The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, Dennis, I'm sorry that you're still going through this.
I don't know your exact situation, but I wonder if you are still having to see your business partner every day or frequently?
People are different and situations are different. But it was more than I could do to see the person who had disappointed me so badly every day. Some people have a temperament where they can detach really well in person. I just found it was too stressful. I tended to get overfocused on the person and the problem. It was hard enough even when they weren't around. My mind kept circling back to the person. I'd have imaginary conversations in my head incessantly. In the conversations I could never make the person say the words I wanted -- to admit to the problem, to acknowledge my pain. They wouldn't do it in real life and they wouldn't do it in my head.
In the end, I had to remind myself over and over, "Recovery isn't winning, it's not playing." Sometimes I was reminding myself a hundred times a day.
As time passes and life moves on, other things come in to fill our lives and the hugeness of the pain recedes.
I hope you can get to some meetings, maybe get or meet with a sponsor?
If I don't expect anything, how can I be let down and resentful? This is all about expectations.
If I lend someone money, i simply do not expect it back, so I don't lend it unless I can do without it. Otherwise I paus and ask God for the courage to say No. I feel so good when i take care of myself and others in that right way.
If I don't expect anything then I might see things for what they really are - I need to care for myself financially (sounds like you're on your way to doing that with a new business.)
Once someone shows me they can't come through, I know I need to feed myself so I take care of that.
The bottom line is always this: What do I want here? That's what I have to let go of.
Aloha Dennis...Just for me I don't think that your HP wants you to go thru this yourself. I always suggest looking at and for as many alternatives to the solutions that you can and then go with the best you can with what you have...whatever that is. When you can accept the consequences first the action becomes much easier...look for the consequences you want...then do the thing. (((hugs)))
Dennis - My point is that it's much harder to detach from a family member or spouse. If your business partner is cheating you out of money, that's not something you need to accept. Do business with people you can trust.
I understand also that part of the business world is such that it is full of "gaurantees." Every salesperson will "gaurantee" you a profit and it take our own wisdom to see through the BS of sales. If you experience each one of these "pitches" as a lie afterwards when it doesn't pay out as "gauranteed" that will just hurt you. You probably know this already though.
Bottom line....It's okay to cut off dealing with people you don't trust. In fact, it's adaptive....especially in business where your feelings need not be at the forefront. You've heard the saying "It's nothing personal. It's just business." Look out for #1 in your financial deals.
