The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My name is slogan_jim and I am a grateful member of Al-Anon.
Tonight, I received a text message from the alcoholic. 'I need help'.....I phoned and he began to cry. Saying he cant do this anymore and he hates the way he is. He asked me to come over as he needed someone to talk to. I said 'OK, but I have somewhere to be at 8:00'. Once I got that phone call I decided I was going to a meeting. I went over for about 20 minutes and he began with the same pity party that has been commonplace over the last couple of years. How he hates being the way he is.....how he is sorry for putting me and my sister through what he did....sorry for my mom leavins.....hates his father (whose been dead for 15 years)....doesn't want to live...
I just nodded and said 'uh-huh, isn't this stuff you should be sharing with your sponsor?'. He gave an angry look and said 'We dont talk about that'. Anytime I'd suggest a councelor I'd the get the same look. The alcoholic keeps re-hashing the same old stuff from the past. He passed out and I left.
I went to a meeting and it was great! got the share on this instantly and it felt wonderful.
He didn't go to work today. He has been laid off in the past because of drinking and I am scared it will happen again. I have always been afraid that if I lose my job I could always go back to live with him, as he is really all I have. I feel so alone. As if I have noone to back me up.
I can relate I left my family of origin in Cali and moved to the midwest when I was 20 years old and have no family around. have learned with God and Al-anon I can make my own little family and they are much more reliable. I have women from a ladies study group that support me whenever I need to make a call also. My dad was an addict and he passed away almost 10 years ago now and my Mom who is an addict is back home living with her addict bf in my childhood home and I rarely visit with my kids, maybe once a year or every two. I realized today, I was stressing about the past and future which I have no control over and I had to let it go and came back to today. What I actually need to think about before me and it was a pretty small relaxing list of things. I have had to learn to dettach and sometimes I slip, but soon after getting sucked back into crazytown I hop back on the next train home to serenityville. I am glad you made the meeting, they are priceless. My exAH is stuck in the past and well I don't have to be there with him anymore. I have been reading some Al-anon literature I haven't read in awhile and it has been so helpful. I am sending you much love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
You did well, glad the meeting was there and you were able to connect. Alcoholics do live in the past and keep reliving their pain and sadness.
Thank God for alanon as I was given the powerful Steps and other tools that enabled me to let go of all my past anger, self pity and resentments and live with courage, serenity and wisdom.
Just a reminder we are never alone HP is walking right beside us and will act when we let go
You did well. It would be one thing to listen to those things if he was sober... That might be some attempt at ammends. But it really sounds like it was drunk rambling.
So sad but the standard response of "You know I love you, but you need to help yourself" (hug) is generally the best we can do.
Sorry your dad is suffering.
Also - his sponsor would hang up on him calling drunk probably. That is what I would do with a drunk sponsee. I would also probably eventually fire them for not working the program. That doesn't mean you have to step up and listen or be his counselor/sponsor. These are his choices.
