The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We are working step 10 and while I am sifting through step 4 at the moment, step 10 has actually given me a new perspective in growth. I am dealing with some cycles going on at the moment. I know I am growing as situations that would baffle me and leave me spinning are now starting to untangle and I can see clearly the next right move for my children and myself. If I don't revisit the steps, if I stop growing on any level then I will become no better than I was and probably with crazier behavior. I know I have said to my therapist I'm sooooo much better than I was 6 months ago, a year ago, 2 years ago .. she laughs as she does and ticks me off .. LOL .. I love her to pieces I mean she is someone who kicks my butt and forces me to take a different course of action even when I kick and drag my feet. So as she's laughing says, ummm .. that's great and you are right .. you are better .. the reality is you have to continue to move forward. Darn her!!!! She's right of course. I don't get to rest on my laurels of yup I'm better than I was if I want to say in 6 months I am better than I was 3 months ago.
My STBAX .. LOL .. considers himself divorced .. good luck with that .. the papers are NOT signed he doesn't have to like it we are still married. He is a liar, cheat and a theif. I now need to add deadbeat dad to the list as he is refusing to follow the court order which will bring with it some consequences of it's own. He's not going to be happy about, that's not on me. I have been truly horrified over what has been stolen from a family member to the point I almost cringe when they bring up what else is missing. I also found out that our neighbors are missing things. The only good part of this is the fact that I absolutely know this is on him. It is a reflection of his sickness and not me. There is sooooo much more than just this .. and it is soooo far from done.
He does not get as far as if he continues to behave as he did in July the outcome to this situation will not be pretty. A bill is going to run him pretty much 3x the original amount and of course it will be MY fault he can't pay. I am to the point I actually don't care if he goes to jail .. there are a number of outcomes to the situation, however the God of my understanding is the one who knows what that outcome will be. So now ... I am taking the action that I can .. holding on to God's hand and allowing Him to clear the wreckage that has been thrown in my path out of the way. It is not how I would want it to be .. personally I'd rather just come to an agreement and move on completely and totally .. maybe I'm to self entitled, maybe I'm just to damn stubborn I'm not sure which .. the idea that he's going to dismiss his children and me as unimportant to make a priority .. heck NO!! He doesn't seem to understand that they can leave him with only 15% of his total pay. THAT is on him not me.
Honestly, I have no idea how it will go in court. Please send many positive vibes that the judge sees the truth of the situation and is fair for all parties concerned. God knows what the plan is and how it will best work for the kids and I. I am scared, at the same time I know it's going to be ok. I just keep imagining God's love and arms surrounding me with laughter, love, joy, and abundance.
There is no court date as of yet, however there is a letter going to the atty so hopefully before two weeks is up my STBAX will see the light that maybe it's the right thing to do as far as a court order. He has once again gotten what he asked for. Once again .. I don't think it's the color of the corner he truly wants to be in.
Hugs and in tremendous gratitude, P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I think it's so true we can't just sit back and say ok I'm stopping for now. It's a constant forward process.
I said in my meeting last week, it's easy for me to work my program when things are good, it's when it's difficult that I tend to want to chuck it all out the window! I'm a work in progress :)
((((Pushka))))...stay with it cause with the right focus this is all about you getting better and staying on the higher level. I read your post and remember coming to the realization that my moving on was verified when I could describe who I was without mentioning anyone else especially my alcoholic addict. The she, he, they disappeared from my description and I was fully responsible for myself. Keep on keeping on. ((((Hugs))))
