The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
im gonna keep posting for every new feeling or everytime i cry cause when im done typing i feeel relieved. im eating a pizza pop its so gross but i have to eat something. my a called and he is taking me to pick up my gerbils remains as she got cremated today (i know sounds sick) but i have to get the ashes. i dont want to see him because all these feelings just build up in me and i cant control myself. but there is no other way i can get her as it is across town and i dont drive. he said he will take me to get groceries but i dont even have the energy or courage to do that right now. my best friend is coming over later so maybe we will go instead.i hate this. i just want to tell him to come home and we can forget about yesterday but i kknow that wont help anything. i have to deal with these feelings as they come so nothing gets built up. im disappointed in him and hate him for ruining what was going good. i hate him for ruining the dreams i had for us. but i know he cant help it because of the disease and that part makes me want to get him home and tell him everything will be ok someday and keep working your program as he hasnt been and thats why he relapsed. i dont know whether to be there for him or just kick him out of my life
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stay in the now...dont look forward, dont look back....your life is what you make of it
So sorry to hear about your gerbil. Our pets are family members and we grieve them when they are gone. Be really good to yourself right now and take good care of you. You are grieving and that is expected after a loss and it will take the time it takes. There is no away around it, hon, you have to go thru it.
It has been my experience when I am confused about a decision that I am trying to make it is God's way of letting me know it is not yet time for me to make that decision. When I am confused, I usually do not make the best decisions for me.
It is good you are posting here and it would also be good if you can get to as many meetings as possible both here on-line and f2f meetings. I find if I attend lots of meetings when I am stressed it helps me to keep the focus on me, be responsible only for me, it helps to keep me from taking another's inventory, and I am reminded that if I have an expectation of another person I am setting myself up for disappointment and resentments. Resentments only harm me and take my serenity away.
Also, when I come into the chat room I can feel the love and support of others who have been where I am and also they "understand as few others can." Keep coming to meetings and posting here...you will begin to feel better.
Love in recovery - Jeri
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The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Post away!! I have been reading every post you put up about this situation and my heart goes out to you. You've been on a rollercoaster for the past two months (at least from what I have seen) and I know it is soooo painful. I know we are to detach with love - but please keep in mind that you need to love yourself too and if you are feeling more pain than love lately - you MUST be good to yourself and do the right thing for YOU.
