Aloha Rose...After a time you came back and found that things have changed.  The original changes you were wanting have come about and the one you were not looking for had happened and you're left dealing with and event that use to floor you when you were the recipient of it.  I learned to put this kinda of stuff in the "God works in mysterious ways" file.  I get to let go and let God and that works however I don't do that "in all my affairs".   I use to tell the rooms of Al-Anon that when I started to honestly work this program I stopped having affairs...I also was given a new definition of love.  Lots of people in the rooms where saying what you have said here...I love so and so but I'm not "in" love with so and so.  I didn't know what that mean't, it was confusing to me...kinda like someone was holding a reservation behind their back; and then one night I met a member who spoke about loving her active alcoholic husband and I was confuse at how she could under the circumstances do that and I wanted her definition of love.   It is still with me today.  She told me that, "Love is the complete and total acceptance of every other human being for exactly who their were".  There was no special person named..."every other human being" and then I got it...She was talking about a personal characteristic and ability used without condition...that is what I try to do to day.  I don't love my wife any more or less than I do anyone else.  she has special privileges that other don't have and she gets loved the same.  Others might have a nervous reaction to this unconditional love and thats okay.  When I run it thru the filter of all of the examples I have of this kind of love I find my HP at the top of the leader board..."Love" is my HP's name and my HP doesn't show favorites.   Pending Choices...I love the title; it has all kinds of meaning for me.   Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))