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It's Tuesday .. LOL .. it's been a great weekend. The kids were out of school since Wednesday of last week and we had a blast.
Over the weekend my son had his first sleep over and this was actually a big deal because I was terrified for a number of reasons. Probably the biggest one being I'm just not a domestic goddess. I keep things picked up however my life does not begin or end over what does or doesn't get done in the house. I'm very guilty of dishes in the sink when guests do venture over and dust on my shelves. My children on the other hand do take after their dad in that regard thank goodness!! Well, they have the ability to make things look neat even if it's not clean. LOL .. I'm so detailed that what I clean looks amazing I'm just never finished!! That whole frustrated perfectionist thing in overdrive. To say it was a social weekend for my kids is putting it mildly. There were trips to the mall, a movie, more sleep overs at other people's houses .. LOL, sleep over here, dentist appointments, unexpected events .. lol. It was coming and going all weekend.
I've been dealing with a few things in terms of the divorce. It's not going to be finalized before 2013, .. ohhh that has been made clear not by me, .. however by him .. they think to wear me down .. little do either of them realize how I'm just riding it out. I have a court order that is good for 2 years. I guess I'm not doing something that I'm suppose to be doing .. I haven't figured that out yet. I mean they are straight up looking for a reaction out of me and I'm just kind of going aaannnddd??? There is part of me going why doesn't he just tell me what I'm suppose to do and then I will decide if it is a benefit to me at this point it's tick tock cha-ching cha-ching.
There are a few other things going on and all I can say is I"m just going hmm .. let me get back to you .. lol. Something that has truly been amazing is watching HP work in my life and the God of my understanding is God. I've spoken about this recently I know .. it's just really kind of crazy when I get out of my own way what can and does happen in my life.
Well, .. I have been fretting off and on about the wood situation for this winter. The STBAX last year this was his prized project .. now I know why as to he was always mowing or chopping wood. So we did not run out during the winter. This year is different because it's me and me plus a chainsaw and/or maul is probably not a good idea when I am distracted, I might accidently hit that stupid truck. Me and an evil laugh just escaped .. lol.
Anyway, earlier in the week some guys showed up different than the guys who showed up last year with all of that wood .. gak!! They were so nice and so polite and wanted to pay me to burn some brush they had .. I said no money .. if you are a tree service I have got some work for you. I took them to the infamous wood pile and said this is the mess from last year can you help me? They were so excited and said absolutely!! So that being said they dumped some stuff that day and promised to come back out. It's been pretty wet weather around here .. lol .. finally the rain has shown up. So I really didn't think much of it.
The night of the sleepover my landlord showed up and was giving me less than 10 hours notice that an adjuster was coming in I was like SERIOUSLY!? LOL! I have two teens, two 8 year old boys and this was not how I planned to spend the kids last day off yesterday! The house wasn't awful at the same time I needed a little time to recovery from that many people around here. I had the biggest laugh and thought ohhh well, it's going to be what it's going to be and boy oh boy did I make a list of things that need to be fixed!!
Monday, was insane to put it mildly. Beat foot it here to get back to there, turn around and run somewhere else .. again .. not in the plans for a day off. We leave to head out on a dr appointment and there is an entire crew in my back yard cutting and splitting wood .. I was flooreed!! I'm not sure how I can say thank you to these guys. I'm sure going to figure something out though!! They will be back out on another day and I just told the owner and his son .. please come out and dump anytime just give me a heads up so I can burn what is here. As long as I live here they bring chopped up fire wood .. I'm all about come on back.
This removes more of my STBAX from my life. I am soooo relieved and I'm sure he will be on a certain level. Although on another level it will really upset him too. I don't need him. I'm not some helpless flower who can't function without him. This is not speculation on my part this is verbal words that have been spoken to me. If anything .. I'm doing far better without him than I ever did with him. I realized how much more power/control I have taken from him. I was constantly asking .. are you going to (fill in the blank). Now .. I will no longer need to do that because everything I was asking him to fix and help with is being taken care of and that's such a good thing!!! He can no longer say I'm "begging" him and "bothering" him ... honestly .. I really don't care to see him if I don't have to, and there will be times I will have to because of the kids. That part of the deal really hasn't sunk in on him yet.
Things for him are crashing and burning left and right. He has all these crazy plans and no way at the moment to see them through. The things he says to the kids in one breath and then retracts them in the next. Thursday was another rough visitation for the kids. That part is hard for me to watch. They were very upset when they got home. So not on them .. it was a stressful week for the STBAX, Thursday was so much not pretty. His reality is crashing in on him. My phone actually rang and he wanted to talk to me .. that's pretty huge for him 9am in fact that doesn't happen if things are ok. Fines are due and time is running out and he is freaking out. I'm of course completely unreasonable .. this is according to an atty letter that actually has the word "draconian" in it .. can I tell you I now make a point of putting that word into a sentance with the word "frugal" at least once a day. I love vocabulary especially when it's used improperly by someone who is suppose to have a very expensive education behind them.
Yes, I get my evil out in other ways .. .
Anyway, I'm babbling .. LOL .. working some things out in my head on paper. It's really been an interesting week already. It's going to get more interesting as the week goes on. I have many exciting plans that ARE coming to fruition and I'm going to soar baby soar.
Hugs P :)
PS - I survived the sleep over, the kids survived which is probably the true merit of a sucessful sleep over .. LOL .. no one went missing. Now that we've done the first boy one I'm up for another one very shortly,.
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
{{{Pushka}}}} As always, your self-awareness and willingness to share your journey with others here are sincerely appreciated. Trusting in your HP is such an essential part of our recovery. Way to work your program! Glad to hear your kids are doing well with your support.
Time to take Pushka time....here start with some gentle ((((hugs)))) and a daily reader with some Latte if you like Latte. My wife got some Pumpkin flavored and scented stuff and its pretty good instead of the usual "cup o joe".
"We we speak of miracles happening in Al-Anon, we often include amont these the entry of a spouse into AA and sobriety. This is indeed a miracle, but it is not our miracle; it is the alcoholic's. It is not our business (nor has it ever been!) to watch over him, worry about his sobriety, see that he doesn't drink, that he goes to the right number of AA meetings. It we continue the techniques of management and supervision that did so much to make a mess of life during the drinking days, we're headed for trouble. We can and should be grateful on his behalf, but our business is with Al-Anon and ourselves. This wonderful program will help us make something of our own lives. Our responsibility to the alcoholic is to let him manage his own sobriety, and to be gentle, courteous and cooperative.
Todays Reminder...The Aa member, however close to me, is the concern of his friends in AA. He must be left free to follow the program in his own way. If I am truly grateful, I will keep hands off.
"Study to be quiet, and to do your own business"...."and confuse not the business of others with your own."
Not suggested as a particular anything...just a read to go with a Latte. Cannot tell you what Daily it came out of...just can't
Keep on babbling, LOL! One thing my AH always says about me is that I am definitely NOT helpless and I think it bothers him, more than he lets on. I am a take charge kind of gal. If I ask him to do something and it sits there for 2 weeks undone, then I will step in and do it myself or I will hire someone to get it done. I don't have time in my life for procrastination or shelving something, especially if it needs to get done for the household to function, etc.
I am the pool lady, the landscaper, the laundromat, the homeschooling mom, the chauffeur, the grocery shopper and errand runner, the hostess, the chef, the cleaning service, and I don't ask him to do much around here AT ALL. To his credit, though, he does help with the laundry and occasionally with the dishes and he is great at helping me move large furniture items.
You sound so confident. I pray for you and the kids daily! HP is guiding your steps and even when we have missteps, he knows it's coming and is patient with us while we figure stuff out. His plan for you is unfolding each day and you're doing a great job making the best of a difficult situation. HUGS!
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