The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello everyone. Haven't visited for a while. MIP really saved me in those first 30 days and now I mainly get my support through face to face meetings and peers in meetings. I am back because I am having concerns about the relationship with my sponsor. I read some prior threads on here which helped a bit too. I guess my main concern is that I don't know if my expectations are off. I've been worried since the first time I called her in a crisis, left that first crying meesage, and I never heard back. I have has a few little rough spots along the way and when I reach out she doesn't get back to me or I just get, "go to a meeting." this weekend while going over a step I realized how uncomfortable I feel sharing with her. As I looked up from my reading she wasn't even paying attention and what I read was only about 2 min long. She didn't even look at me when I shared in a meeting this weekend. She just looked down and worked on a craft. It was a hard meeting for me too. I had been quite emotionally struck before I decided to share. It was one of those times I had difficulty keeping it together and i wish when I looked across the room I saw more than the top of her head. I feel myself building resentments in response to my hurt. I feel rejected. She asks me to complete assignments but then doesn't get back to me on them, doesn't allow me time with her to give her my responses. I feel lucky if I get about 10-20 min on the phone with her weekly and that time is shared with her issues she wants to share with me. I have had a really hard week and I need some love and guidance. I feel lost. I'm confused. I could benefit from calling more peers from meetings but I do want a sponsor to share with. I am still so early in this. After 3 months with her she still doesn't know my whole story. I am afraid. Afraid of asking for more. I am doing more of the same of what I do in other relationships-take the crumbs and be happy they gave me anything. I don't feel this is the right sponsor. I am afraid to tell her how I feel. I'm afraid to ask for more. Am I wanting too much?
Chaya
I see no reason why you cannot look around for a sponsor that will support your recovery in a manner that you require.
Sponsorship is not a permanent position. We grow and change and our relationships change Alanon's booklet," Sponsorship What's it all about" explains this in detail.
It appears you could change Sponsor's easily and stop going to the hardware store for bread.. Just look around, obtain telephone numbes of members you can connect with and call them.
I do hope you are successful in your efforts . You are woth it.
Please look for a new sponsor or sponsors....I have 3 sponsors, when you get a new sponsor just stop phoning this one & if she asks why you stopped phoning her then you can thank her for the time she gave you & very nicely tell her you needed someone who could spend more time helping you. Sometimes two people don't always hit it off, it's no one fault, just the way it is. Keep coming back
__________________
Icie
"Holding a grudge is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die..."
Wow doing craft in an Al-Anon meeting. I can't get my head around that, I thought all Al-Anon meetings worldwide were supposed to be the same. I've never heard of such a thing, I don't know the lady or how meetings are run where you live but she doesn't sound like sponsor material to me. If you're not happy with her find someone who will put more effort into helping and supporting you, YOU ARE WORTH IT.
We are not used to asking for or honoring what we need..perhaps your higher power put this person in your life to give you practice in identifying and asking for what you need for YOUR recovery..I wish you the best
