The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Welcome to this board. I hope you'll keep coming back to recover with all of us here. I am so glad I made the choice to find in person Alanon meetings and get some much needed support when I was in a situation with someone active. I really needed input of others who might understand what I was going through. You can decide what action is best in your personal situation when the time is right. You don't have to make any decisions right now no matter what the alcoholic in your life may be requesting from you. Personally, I found it easier to stand my ground by having in person support from other Alanons and Alanon meetings to go to. We have phone lists at the meetings too and people who are willing to sponsor others. To confront an alcoholic /intervene is a big decision. You will need to be prepared to deal with her reaction to your accusation. Alanon is for your well-being, the meetings will continue to be there for you as you come to terms with all of this and how you feel about it. Keep coming back, thanks for your share. Hugs. TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 7th of October 2012 07:57:45 PM
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I know a woman who overcame her addiction to substance abuse (not alcohol). She seeked help and with the help of her family she had things under control. To make a long strory short, I moved in with her to a nice appartment in a nice area of town and she managed to land herself a good job and things really began to fall into place for her. Things were going smoothly for us for about a year.
Sometimes in the monings before leaving for work I will take some empty cans and bottles down to the recycle bins that are outside our apartment building. One morning a few weeks ago I saw an empty bottle of her brand of vodka, her liquor of choice, on top of the pile in the bin. Obviously placed there recently seeing that it was at the top of the pile. I didn't think much of it at the time because I knew she was drinking but I didn't think it was really anyting more than in moderation. Well over the last few weeks when I take my recycling items outside in the morning I see more and more of these bottles placed on top of the recycling pile. On average I would say she is going through approx, one bottle vodka approx every night. Oh yes, I failed to mention that she works the afternoon evening shift at her job. So while I go to bed at around midnight she stays up late, many nights until 5am. This is the time of night she is alone and the time of night she drinks in secret. She usually sleeps until about 3 in the afternoon, even on her days off. We are growing apart becuase she is tired all the time and she is sleeping when we could be doing liesure activities together.
My suspicions were confirmed when I could not understand why the vodka bottle she has in our liquor cabinet looks as though it has been untouched for weeks. Yup, she put water in that bottle to fool me. More confirmation came when she has been telling me for a while now that she needs a new car as her's is on it's last legs and then she told me a few days ago that she actually has very little saved up for a downpayment. Well it is pretty obvious where the money is going. We live in Canada so liquor up here is very expensive.
I am trying to figure out the best way to approach her regarding this. Do I just come out and tell her what I have told you folks here? Just sit her down and have a frank discussion with her. Do I confide in her family and organize some sort of intervention? Should I attend a local Alanon meeting and get some advice before I do anything?
Not much more I can add than tiredtonite has already wrote. Its great that you are here, for me I was in denial about my boyfriends drinking for about one and half years before I had to face the facts, still not down to my own choice.
For me being online was where i gathered so much information about al-anon. I came to realise through msg board and online meetings and the steps that Al-anon was about me, I wasn't going to get the definitave guide on how to stop my alcoholic drinking, or advised on what to do next, at my first face to face meeting I shared my story and cried alot..(I mean alot lol).
For me going to f2f meetings is me doing my action bit, I am working the first few steps and it has helped me so much, because being with an alcoholic was not my problem alone, my problem was me I didnt realise how much spiritual pain I was in until I started working my programme and found that I have a kind loving higher power, that I turned away from many years ago. rediscovering the god of my understanding has helped me so much.
Again no advice just love and hope and understanding.
You take care on the start of your new journey. Remember be kind to yourself....be your own bestfriend and take care of your needs. ((hugs))
__________________
What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
