The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
1st I have to Say THANK YOU to all that Responded... Even the Smallest Carry a Message & I am Very Grateful to have ya's...
Welp... I Took the "Push" and did a Little Inventory, (Well A Big One) and the thing that seems to bring me the most Tears... Is of ALL things! FEAR OF CHANGE! & Past LOSS...
The Reasonings behind it are mainly sitting in the "Projection" of things to Come & the things that I have Lost this time of Year! My Afather being one of those! And tho its Been 4 years, it is still VERY Raw! Very Full of Emotions, Good & Bad! I SO Miss His (((((Hugs))))) the Most! They Made all the Pain Go away a least for a Little While! I Miss the Way He Flipped his Hair...lol I Miss Sitting with him Just Chatting about Anything... (He was Always a Good Listener Before the Disease took Over) I Miss His Sparkling Brown Eyes before the disease took even that from him, From Me! Still Fighting the Anger of it all... Yet I know he would be Proud that I am Doing with My Sobrity what he could not do with his!
Also the Loss of My Mom In Law Last Nov! I Miss Her So! I Miss her Voice, Her Dry Sense of Humor, Her Smiles, Her Rants!lol And the Fact that she is No Longer a Couple Houses away when I need Help Cooking, or Planting, or Just having her to Listen! She was Good to me! I do Feel Good tho that in a couple Weeks, I will walk with My Family, and Some Friends to Support Breast Cancer in her Memory... I know she will be Proud of Her Daughter Putting this together, and all that plan to attend.. She Never liked the Lime Light! But I know THAT DAY... She will be with each of Us & Beaming From ear to ear!
Also the Changing of the Weather from Sunny to Cold! (I do 100% better in the OTHER 3 Season!) And My Friend I Lost This Year to Cancer that I would Call on My Glumey days in the winter & would Chat with & Laugh because she too Struggle with Winter Depression! So its the 1st winter without her as well...I Miss Her So... She had a Soul All her Own, and she was a TRUE Beilever in God's Will... And Always Had a Way of Filling me with such HOPE...So I Miss that about her as well... Last Fall weeks before she Found out about her Cancer! Her & I went with an Dear Friend to a Fall Festival, I'm so Grateful we took that leap of Faith & Just went with it! We had Such a Great Day.... So Grateful for those Memorys!
I know these are all things that i have to Push thru, and I know it was God's Will when they left this World! But the Pain is still at times tuggin on my Flesh and It still very much hurts on the surface!
the "Projecting" part! Well I know better! there are things in the future that weigh Very Heavy on my Heart, My Soul, and My Life as I know it! "Hence the Changes coming" Some I do have Choices about & I Think at times I do Forget that, and in some of those Choices there will also be Opritunities that I have left by the way-side for some time! So its Not All Bad things! Some Are going to be Very Full filling, but Others have my Heart All Wrapped in Barb wire, and are going to be Tough as Nails to Get thru! But I have to get back to HP's Will in it all! I know he Can, I Can't, I Just need to Let the Cards Fall as they may, and know when its time to get up & dust off!
And the Tears that have been falling this week! Must have been Needed or they wouldn't be there, and welp... They are there NOW, but again, I just can't control them lately! So Trying my best to Embrace them!
And My Beautiful Program Friend that I just Missed So Very Much these Last 3wks, Called me today And as Always, it was the Exact Moment I NEEDED to Hear Her Voice! And I Believe her Return is going to send me to a Meeting tonight, just to see her face... I"m going to do my Best to Make it happen, I Just hope HP See's it as Necessary as I Do! So With My Tissues I Shall Go! God Willing!
And Last Night, I went to My Boys Game and to My Surprize My Mom, Sister, Neice & bf & My Gr. Nephew ALL surprized me with thier Presents in support of my Son, and Just Seeing My Gr. Nephews Beautiful Face.. (He's 11mths old) Lifted me So Much! And He is Always Full of Smiles even when he is Tired :D It Reminded me what I DO Have to be Grateful for! And Moments like that Are what I am So Blessed to have...
Soooo.... Thank You ALL from the Bottom of My Heart for your Kindness, Your ESH! I Need as Much as You can Spare, And everytime I read one of your Posts, the Butterflys in my Head Tend to be Working Overtime, tryin to help me see what it is that "I Can" Control, and what is left for HP to handle... So I'm Getting there! And its All of You that Have Given Me the Courage, and Faith to Keep Moving Forward, even if the chains are pulling hard... So Thank You
It sounds like you have had a lot of loss to deal with and you are still walking an inspirational journey! Keep up the good work and don't forget to stop and roll in the dandelions from time to time even in this cold Fall weather. Be gentle with yourself and keep your chin up. I always love to read your posts and have learned so much from you. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I Took the "Push" and did a Little Inventory, (Well A Big One) and the thing that seems to bring me the most Tears... Is of ALL things! FEAR OF CHANGE! & Past LOSS...
