Short and not so sweet - Al-Anon Family Group

AllieinAlanon · Veteran Member

Short and not so sweet

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm glad you have found us.

You don't sound heartless at all, not for a minute. My experience is that we usually grant the person too many chances -- so many that they think their drinking or drugging is working out just fine. It's good for us and for them when we set boundaries.

Keep on taking good care of yourself.

Zimmy · Senior Member

H Allie,

As said by Mattie you dont sound heartless to me either. If you are then so was I, my abf and i have a son together and the last 9 months felt like I was living in hell. Alcholism is a progressive dis-ease. I like you also stayed with the situation much longer than most (normal) people would have. I was in denial too as well as my boyfriend, although in my heart i knew he was an alcoholic. I truly felt hopeless, and joyless and with so much anger, resentment.

For us the rockbottom came and we both had to face things that we could not live as family due to violence when he was drinking.

I was scared too, how would I keep my house (mortgage in my name only) how will I keep my child clothed, fed and watered. It was so scary.

I stayed in the realationship purely for financial reasons (so i thought) as hate and the name calling and all the other alcoholic traits, selfisheness, unreliability, bullying etc were things no 'normal' person would put up with.

Thank god I found al-anon, the steps, the understanding and love that I received and do receive has transformed my life. Also by really to start working the steps 1-3 have already transformed me and my life.

I know now that I am ill too and that I need a programme, when I handed my life and my will to god the mircacles I have witnessed in my life are humbling to me. I never would have seen my life like this even a month ago.

I now have faith in my higher power, my god of my understanding and its pretty cool. :)

I go to meetings I read al-anon litrature and talk with my god. But what helped at the beginning was learning to be my best friend, speaking nicely to myself, and caring for myself..as we say let it begin with me.

Stick with us, try to get to meetings if your not and keep coming on here. I know your higher power has a much better plan for you than you can even imagine.

Love Simone x ((hugs))

AllieinAlanon · Veteran Member

I am not sure what to do now. If I took him off that list. It would be cruel to him. But it might also help him realize that even his best friend has had enough. The one and only Allie, who was never his favorite, but always *reliable*.

I have been on the waiting list for Section Eight (low income housing) for 5 years now, and only last year I had added B. (friend) to the list. I am considering to tell the housing authorities to please move up my name; this is an emergency; I need an apt quickly. Just me. Not him.

I do appreciate the moral support and appreciate the encouragement. Maybe once I realize I am okay, I won't think he's all I deserve. lol And then I will be able to move on to something good for me.

thanks again, everyone.

Allie

-- Edited by AllieinAlanon on Friday 5th of October 2012 09:18:56 PM

Icie · Senior Member

Hi Allie

You are not heartless,if you are then that would make me the most heartless person on earth! You are the opposite. Taking care of yourself & doing what is best for you is NOT heartless.

I was married to a alcoholic , so I know what living in insanity is like & I know how sick & crazy I got. The best thing I ever did for myself was finding Al-anon & divorcing my alcoholic. I though I was through dealing with the disease on a personal level, never again would I have to deal with it in my own personal life. I started up my own successful business, made a really comfortable living for me & my kids. I got my kids into al ateen everything went great for 15 years. The ugly beast has hit harder than ever with a triple whammy.

My one son is a alcoholic, his wife divorced him & he is now involved with a alcoholic lady, thinks he is on top of the world.I had to set boundaries & the boundary is if you ever decide to get help for your drinking problem & work your recovery program I will be here until then you go live your life as you see fit ! One of my other sons is a non alcoholic but married a alcoholic lady, who is very cruel, manipulative, has my son totally conned, lies to my son & tells him I did this or that & it hurt her, to get my son to kick me. Once again I choose to set boundaries. I told my non alcoholic, that his wife is not welcome in my life, unless she gets treatment for her drinking & prescription drug addiction & told my son maybe he should attend Al anon. I also told him that he & the kids are welcome as long as he did NOT verbally abuse me for his wife. Of course he choose to stick by his wife, to believe her & I knew he would & that's ok because he has to travel his own road.

Non of this was heartless, I love my sons very much. I have learned in Al anon to take care of myself by not accepting the unacceptable from anyone & for me sometimes it means setting really strong boundaries & doing what is best for me. If I stay meshed in all that craziness, I stay sick & end up being no good for anyone & least of all for myself. Today I have total serenity, I may not work the program perfect & yes I have slips, where all the stinking thinking creeps back in & I get into thinking maybe if I had said this or done that, things would be different & I start to feel really crappy, that's when I run to a meeting if I can, come on here do some reading, phone my sponsor do whatever I have to do to get back on track.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

After dealing with sick destructive people, there comes a time for tough love and self care and well maybe it is time for you. Sending you much love and support!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.