The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, this is basically my first time ever reaching out for advice. I am the daughter of a recovering alcoholic (which I currently live with). I guess you could say I've always been the "peace-maker", or the invisible one. If my mom wasn't too busy taking care of my brother because of his drug addiction, she was either off getting drunk or dating some new guy. I love them both regardless and my brother is now clean, and my mom just recently cleaned up, about two weeks ago. I really don't know where I'm going with this, I just feel like I'm emotionally off. I work 40 hours a week and I currently attend school full time so my social life is semi-nonexistent, but I can't help but feel that my social life has partially plummeted because of the problems I've had with my family, and I feel now that I've grown (I'm 25 years old), that they're all surfacing. Although my brother is clean and despite my love for him, I can't help but feel awkward @ times when we talk; that's 1.#2, even though my mom has stopped drinking, I have to make a conscious effort not to snap and I think I deeply resent them both. My mother more so than my brother. Anyway, I always get the urge to move out over the slightest issues. I know that's my brain telling me I've reached my limit, but it's the pity I have on my mother that makes me feel bad for wanting to leave. She's alone and I don't want to seem like I'm "abandoning" her by doing so. If anyone could offer their two cents, it would be greatly appreciated.
Hi there and I am glad you posted. You received great ESH from the men. My Mom was very codependent with me and I had to break away at some point to have my own life. Don't get me wrong I love my Mom lots. My Mom was sick and so was I. I had to go through counseling to get tools to have my own life and be happy. I found Al-anon, MIP and a sponsor and have learned so much about self care and boundaries and especially dettachment with love. I hope you can find some meetings in your area. I am sending you lots of love and support!
-- Edited by Breakingfree on Wednesday 3rd of October 2012 12:33:59 PM
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Aloha Tina and welcome to the board...take a look at the post that comes after you cause you can relate to another brother post. I relate to your walking on egg shells around your mother and brother cause that is what I did also until I came to learn that I didn't cause the disease, couldn't cure it and didn't control it for anyone in my family. I was born and raised in the disease of alcoholism and so the dysfunction was normal for me and the only way I new how to live. I was as sick or sicker than they were while I use to think they should be more like what I wanted them to be. I wasn't even how I wanted them to be...LOL...and still I thought I knew how things were supposed to be. NOT!! The very best miracle that came into my life was the Al-Anon Family Groups and how it got into my life was a miracle cause I wasn't looking for it at the time. Still the important part of that miracle was while I was reaching out for help from the Help for emotional people people and the suicide prevention center I found my finger in the A section of the white pages of my local telephone book and pointing to Al-Anon. I called and got a real voice of a lady who knew exactly what I was experiencing and talking about and got me to my first meeting. I got my life back. I was able to give them back their lives to live as they wished and chose to. Free at last, free at last....that God I'm free at last.
Go look for the hotline number for Al-Anon and call to see where and when we meet in your area. We have tons of free information you can pick up and one hour discussion or topic meeting you can sit in on that are free also. You won't have to speak and most of us just go by our first names there.
Tina - I would suggest going to face to face alanon meetings and/or ACOA (adult children of alcoholics). Your feelings and reactions to this are quite understandable and normal. The task you are faced with now is how to "let go" and move forward in your own life. That is exactly what the 12 steps are designed for.
At 25, you are going to have periodic thoughts and desires to "move out" and be on your own. Some of that is just normal and wanting full independence due to your age. Only part of it relates to the disease of alcoholism and how it has affected your dynamics.
Also, having both of them (brother and mom) be so sick for so long...that robbed you of time spent nourishing self, self-concept, your own spirituality. Now you are stuck out there in the world going "what do I do with myself?" and the instinct is to be mad because it was all the time spent focusing on your mom and brother that made these fears so prevalent. Again, the steps are designed to acknowledge your fears and to move through them.
I think everything you are sharing is perfectly normal. Anyone who lives around alcoholism has a lot of issues to contend with. Couple that with the normal wish to leave the nest and how do you do it you are certainly facing a lot.
There are resources that can help you, al anon being one of them. Meetings can and may help but be practical and considerate if a meeting does not grab you try another one. One of the issues I found so very difficult was that when I got here my need for help and recognition was really high. I was desperate and didn't have any emotional space to look around.
I will. Thank you for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it. My mother is sober now and trying so I'm not as anxious to leave; I wanna be there for her. I'm going to stick it out and keep coming around. Thanks again.
