Praying for his bottom .. - Al-Anon Family Group

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Praying for his bottom ..

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't think it's wrong at all. Remember it isn't likely to be when or how we we want it to be. Let Go and Let God. My exAH is still floundering and has admitted he is an alcoholic and even called a guy we know in A.A. once, but continues to drink and stay deep in his sickness. It is hard work to stay dettached and not fall back into old stinking, like thinking if only for the kids and ....blah, blah, blah. I pray for my exAH, but keep our conversations to a minimum and just about switching our girls. Sending you much love and support!

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

I believe that if praying for his bottom helps you, then do it. An alcoholic hitting his/her bottom is a good thing.

My husband had several of what appeared to be his bottoms. The last bottom was a little over 18 months ago and seems to be "the" bottom that turned his whole life around. But who knows?

When those whom I love are going through difficulties, I now imagine them surrounded by white light. I focus on that image anytime I begin to wonder, worry or contemplate how I can control the situation to make it better.

Might sound a little woo-woo to some. But it works for me.

Do what works for you as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. That's my opinion. :)

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Push....as was said we get to pray for it...for them and we don't get to pray that our expectations get met. I prayed for my alcoholic/addict's bottom and that came after we were divorced and we shared amends and a little time and I got a gift from her hitting her bottom and what that was was her bottom and entry into recovery is my metaphor for humility. HP works in very mysterious ways and so I get a gift and no expectations met. The metaphor for humility was that I heard from another Al-Anon member that a woman alcoholic/addict had entered our local hospital rehab and the morning that she was to make her first day they found her sitting at the edge of her bed with a bag over her head. She was asked why the bag over her head to which she replied, "I have come to understand that if I don't allow myself to be blindly led thru this program I will never make it (get clean and sober long term). That was my alcoholic/addict ex-spouse and I got to be the student. I don't care how I got the lesson...that I got it at all was my miracle. I know the definition of humility is being teachable. ((((hugs)))) smile

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

I think it's human to pray that he hits his bottom, I did it too. I think your "funky place" may simply be just what it feels like to practice something different - letting go. It felt funky to me too, when they told me to "relax" it sounded so passive it made me hysterical at first, "my god, what will happen if I relax?! I cannot afford to just relax?!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

What I noticed was, my hysteria had never helped either, lol! Accepting my powerlessness allows for a power greater to move in, and that feels good. maybe "funky" at first, going sane was going to feel more like going insane at the beginning, is what they told me.

I can't. God can. I think I'll let Him.

There's a favorite line of mine in recovery that talks about step 3, "you either believe God is everything. or God is nothing. it's one or the other, which is it for you?" When I decide God is "everything," I can relax. (that line especially makes me smile!) When I decide God is everything, I can turn my will and my life over in glad surrender, I am willing to relax and surrender my attachments to results and outcomes. Surrender is not weakness, it's knowing God is in control of it all. in control of my husband. and in control of my kids and how this disease is affecting them, I cannot prevent that either, in fact, that is putting myself in the god position again, and I am just not that powerful.

So I think praying and sending love and light to our husbands is beautiful when we relax and just feel the love in our heart, to see them how God sees him. Surrendering to God (to love) is what this is all about, I think. The "came to believe" in step two, is the turning point, that daily, continuous turning to a power GREATER than ourselves.

-- Edited by glad lee on Sunday 23rd of September 2012 11:37:28 AM

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

PUSHKA

I DO NOT THINK THAT IT IS EVER WRONG TO PRAY. I LOVE THE RESPONSES YOU RECEIVED

WHEN I WAS IN A SITUATION SUCH AS YOU DESCRIBE, I FOUND PRAYING THE SERENIITY PRAYER MOST HELPFUL

"GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT WHAT I CANNOT CHANGE" --- ONCE I WAS GIVEN THIS ACCEPTANCE ON ANY SITUATON, A WHOLE NEW WORLD OF RESPONSES OPENED UP FOR ME AND I WAS FREE.

I LOVED TODAY'S COURAGE TO CHANGE PAGE 267

-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 23rd of September 2012 12:51:44 PM

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Pushka - I was told that the best thing to do with a resentment is to pray for the other person. That doesn't necessarily mean praying that they win the lottery or whatever...It can mean praying they get what they need from their HP to grow and change. It's the best way to deal with ongoing resentment. Like it has been stated, you can pray - but the results are not on your time table. The prayer is for you to maintain your connection to your HP and to be free from the resentment.

That being said, if someone irks you and disturbs you so much (and I'm not sure how much this is the case here), I learned I had to get away from them more than think at all about them and pray for them. He's the father of your kids so that might be hard, but some resentments heal up through proximal detachment before you actually then can effectly let go through prayer and meditation.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm in this really funky place .. I am praying without any expectation as to the outcome of the situation. Until he makes the choice to turn his life around it's on him. He may continue to do what he is doing in which case he will go to jail. It was a rough visitation day last week for the kids. He's supposedly not drinking however he thinks like a drunk. He's on pills and sometimes I don't know what is worse. They come home upset and confused as to what happened, why it happened and what they did in the situation. I told them absolutely nothing.

At this point .. I just wish he would go to jail .. even if it means him loosing his job. I think in the long run it would be better for the kids and I if he just went into full blown melt down.

He's back to threatening me financially and now is telling the kids that he's not going to pay me anything which is causing them extreme anxiety about our living situation. He doesn't get that telling them these things makes it harder on them.

I'm very upset about that one. How do you rationalize with an irrational person .. you don't. I'd have better luck nailing jello to a tree. Sooo .. I will continue to pray that whatever path he's on that his HP has a plan that is far better than anything I can think up.

Hugs P :)

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Well - it sounds like he's dealing with a level of insanity and resentment that is a gazillion times worse than yours...that's just pitiful. This reminds me of the way my uncle (the drunk one) approached divorcing my aunt. He did put the kids all up in it and was so self-focused and hateful about money and everything else. It hurt them and their relationship. Sorry you are going through this.

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

If it gives you peace, pray. Hugs TT

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Wrong ? I don't think so its what we all want but when I asked that question alot of yrs ago I was reminded to look for my Top instead of waiting for his bottom . hmmmmmmmmm. Louise

Theoceancalls · Senior Member

I really appreciated your reply. Prayer and letting it all go to God is so where I try to be each day...but it can be a struggle. The resentment, loneliness and fear gets me. I take on all the resposibility and try to do His job...when really, I need to BREATHE AND PRAY for insight, peace and compassion...oh, and loads of patience. Lol!! Ive been doing this dance with my AH for 13 years...its not easy...but for just right now, im going to LET GO....no more phone calls to a cellphone he doesnt ans, no more feeling bad that daddy didnt say good night to his little girl...i need to rember God has this...He will privide what I need to rest soundly and try again tomorrow. Sure, I wish my husb was home and being a family man...but, hes not.....hes an alc....i will pray and let go.thanks for your wisdom. S

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