The alcoholic and handling bad news. - Al-Anon Family Group

slogan_jim · Senior Member

The alcoholic and handling bad news.

slogan_jim · Senior Member

At a time when he should be cherishing his life and celebrating accomplishments, all he knows is self-pity.

katfshh · Senior Member

They usually have very little coping skills. There is nothing you can do about it. Take care of yourself. Have you gone to any Alanon Face to Face meetings? This board will help you to see that you need to take care of yourself first and to realize that you have no say or control in the A's drinking. I am sorry to hear about the cancer, but curing cancer these days is a true possiblity.

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Typical Alcoholic behavior, you can set your watch to it.

Try and focus on yourself and keeping yourself sane.

Keep coming back, Bettina

slogan_jim · Senior Member

Thanks katfshh,

Yes, I am very involved in the program. I have spoken several times and am now the GR of my home group. I also have a sponsor who I talk to regularly.
I was typing from my phone when I wrote this. I was on the train on the way home from work. After I was typing I began to feel I was going to cry. I snuck into the washroom, closed the door and wept for a bit. I felt great afterward :)

I called my dad to talk when I got home and he seemed in really great spirits. He'll let me know the results.

I will be going to a face to face meeting tmrw. Tonight, I am going to play soccer. Need a distraction.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Jim remember, they don't need any excuse to drink. They are addicts.

Yes for you, me and others we may grab life and be thankful. But he is an addict.They do not think like a non A.

Most A's cannot take bad news, deaths, whatever. They are the age they were when they started using so they are very immature.

He may have drank away all those things in his life that were painful.Thereby not maturing by meeting challenges, going through what we do to accept them. They have no idea how to accept things maturely.

ex: my A lost his friend, his dad, and someone else. He never grieved them. So when he went into recovery, he was sooo miserable as he had to go thru all that pain of grieving for all he drank away.

Your dear father knows how horrible he will feel if he stays sober. We think, oh just stop drinking, but that is not even a big part of how horrible, they feel if they don't.

Sometimes Jim, I say this lots, all we can do is accept and love our A no matter who they are, just how they are. Just love them. We always wish for more for those we love, and well for others we see suffering!! Sadly it is just a wish. For me I find that I do what I can.then let it go.

I was helping this homeless guy up in my tiny town. I have done all I can, now I am done. I learned from it. It was more for me than him. Which is very ok.

Anyway your love for your dad is refreshing. It's ok! He is still here, he is still your dad. Acceptance can be so freeing. sent with love,debilyn

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