Wishing he would hit bottom - Al-Anon Family Group

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Wishing he would hit bottom

Theoceancalls · Senior Member

Wish the bottom would get here already otherwise I worry the rate of my ah's alcoholsmwillvsurly kill him...or someone else. Im feeling I need to get to a f2f as im too him focused, wishing for things beyond my control, analyzing, thinking and trying to change the things I CANT....that said. When will the bottom come... I know im not helping here as I "putup and shut up", but thats bc it works better for me to know that irregardless of his insanity, im home with my child every night. I dont give ultimatums, I rarely say anything about the late nights anymore and at times I prob even support the drinking to an extent....ya knw when its a great boating day and drink and food are abundent...(course I only min drink and am usually the first to call it a nightt, take children home and go to bed while he parties into the wee hrs of morning). On hangover day I tend to get busy, leaving him to waste the day away asleep on the couch. Monday comes around he goes to work....hes the boss, I go to work school resumes....thing is, after a nite or two off he hits rewind at least two more times and drinkis and hangs out, drives home at least bf the sun comes up....and, repeat. He says he wants to cut back, get healthier, take control....not happening. Sunday ...while in the midst of recovering from a late night he sats, "i need to cut back so I remember how good it feels to feel good"....seriously. Tuesday, thrs and friday following he was out again all night. There goes another weekend to a major hangover..:() its progressing....will it kill him bf he ever hits bottom and decides he is wasting his life ...... Or,as im afraid is happening, the numbnes of the drinkiking is prooving to him to be better than coping with his deep issues and his serious addiction. I know I need to stay out of the way, stay focused on me and my child ... I try to put it in Gods hands but im thinking the time table is simply beyond whst I had had hoped for him getting healthy. Thanks for reading.....gitta try to get back to sleep

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

No sense in waiting. He may never hit his bottom. Or he may and then just keep on using. Plus hon there are

a's in their eighties. My ex ah is sixty now. He has probably done more drugs, drank more, had more health problems than anyone I know. Yet he goes on.

I don't even think about that bottom thing, don't even believe in it. As when they are in those horrible last stages that can last years, they would have no idea what a bottom was becuz they have so much brain and total body damage.

It just does not matter. He will do what he does.We will learn thru al anon to do what we are going to do. Its a horrible thing to watch I know. '

doesn't matter what you do. You are not making him drink or not drink.

I see progress in your share too. hugs,debilyn

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Deb has a good point. When I got sober, I thought "I'm gonna die if I keep this up." After a few months of sobriety, what scared me more what the thought of how long I could have lived that way. If the thought of him never hitting bottom is something you cannot bear, some choices need to be made I guess.

I passed through phases of 1. drinking is fun, 2, drinking is fun but it causes me problems, and 3. drinking only causes me problems.

He seems to be still having fun with it but knows it gives him problems. That stage truly can go on forever. The factors that contribute to ongoing active alcoholism are youth, health, and wealth. 2 of those things are going to go...the 3rd? It sounds like that is going to be a major issue.

You already know staying focused on you and your child is paramount. I guess it's hard to keep that focus in the face of someone so clearly in self-destruct mode.

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Alcoholics love to push the envelope and live on the edge. They just keep pushing and finding new fuel for the fire, until they run into themselves and who knows when that will happen.

Meantime, try to keep the focus on you and creating what you want for your life. Whether you are together or not, you have to create one for yourself. Don't be left out in the rain, because thats what it felt like to me.

I needed options for me. Keep coming back though, because it works.

Luv, Bettina

Theoceancalls · Senior Member

These responses are so helpful. I need to somehow print this thread a read it over and over. Focus on ME....CHild...not his alc....thanks everyone

TrudyS85 · Senior Member

Oh, the proverbial "wating for bottom", I too kept waiting for bottom, ten years have come and gone and the only bottom that has been hit is MINE. I have enabled my AH for years, tolerated his abuse and drinking and lying and yet in my crazy mind kept waiting for him to hit bottom. It took me ten years to realize that as he was sinking I was allowing him to take me under water with him. After years of lying and drinking and a suicide attempt (his, not mine) I realize that I couldn't wait for his bottom, mine had arrived. We are separating now, and all the things that had been holding me back from doing that no longer seem relevant. I am moving forward. It seems to be the only thing that has gotten his attention in ten years, how sad that truly is.

Now he is in 30 day program and tells me NOW he is ready to change. We'll see. I am no longer buying what he is selling, I told him we could live under different roofs while he proved himself. Do I think he will make it, no, but it doesn't really matter, I am getting MY life in order now, I feel more hopeful than I have felt in ten years. Maybe the question for you should be: where is your bottom? Wishing you much love and happiness, you will survive this and come out the other side a better person regardless of which path you choose. Hugs and prayers, ts

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