Thanks :) Tonight/Today is one of those days where I wish I had a giant rewind button, or a hole to crawl into. I'm going to break out the literature and hope that some serenity comes out of it all. Just very sad for my husband, and how he keeps slipping back and screwing things up.

Thanks all. He's resolved to get back in a meeting tommorrow morning (The drinking happened out of state and he's traveling now) , and he's been talking to his AA sponsor and AA friends all day that have been telling him that same thing -- this may have been the bottom you needed to truly embrace sobriety.. It's just so hard to have to deal with the problems his drinking produces. I know Al-Anon teaches us to detach, and I've been able to do that for the most part, but it still just stinks to see the life you hoped for be a very different reality from the life you have. I keep telling myself -- these are his issues to resolve, and his path to sobriety. But it doesnt' make it easier when a crisis does hit, as it did last night in a fairly major way.

I hope this is his bottom. We'll find out -- he had been really working the steps beforehand but his sobriety is so new he found himself in a situation where his triggers got the best of him, and he just gave in. I went to a face to face AlAnon meeting this morning, which helped a little, and just been spending the day trying to busy myself with things to distract me. I hate how his drinking always get the attention in our relationship and i'm just tired of being the patient wife who has to just hold my breath and wait. I do have the compassion, but I wish he didn't have as many relapses and I didn't have to use it so much :)

But I did find some peace yesterday -- before the drinking crisis hit, I made myself go to a yoga class that had as part of it a guided meditation. Part of that was repeating a phrase in your head and making sure it was in the affirmative. So instead of thinking "I am healing," I told myself "I am healed." It gave me serenity and I found out later why. I feel it was my higher power's way of strengthening me to get through this most recent relapse and remind myself that I can only take care of myself in moments like that, and I'm not responsible for my husband's sobriety, his drinking or the consequences of it all.

And all said, I took care of myself in a situation that had it happened a few months ago, I would have lost it. Thank goodness I have an affectionate yellow lab to help feel better on days like this.