Today is the first XABF's b-day since we are not together I ended the relationship  over a month ago. At first I felt sadness that we aren't together on his b-day and then I remembered the reality of all his past b-day's. He rarely spent any of them with me, when he did it was either first thing in the am or late at night to pass out. Actually most of his b-days had horrible memories - I'm struggling to remember just one good memory of his b-day.

So this yr I will not be waiting and waiting and wondering when he will care enough and want to spend some of his b-day with me instead of the bar or whatever nasty place he would end up. This yr I am not his option to blow off for his party buddies, bars and all the easy woman that always surfaced on his b-day.

I hope, but doubt, this is the yr he wishes he could spend it at home and with me. That he's learning I cannot be his doormat anymore. What he had and what he chose to throw away, us, for drinking.