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Just got a phone call from my AH ex-wife. She asked if I was getting the kids after work and I told her that I wasn't sure. Explained to her that he had started drinking again and I wanted to see how he was when I got home before I got the kids. That may have been wrong of me to tell his ex-wife that, but I don't want my son around him drunk and you would think that she wouldn't either. I don't want to be the one putting them in a bad situation. I haven't talked to my AH at all today. He was passed out when I got home from work yesterday and he's either still in bed or he's drinking again. So I really wasn't sure what to tell her about picking up the kids. I told her I would pick them up and if he had been drinking when I got home I would go to his moms with them. So I may get in "trouble" for this but I am not gonna start lying about it for him.
I think you are right from your standpoint. I would NOT want my kids around another parent who was wasted. If A can't provide their basic needs, and from a legal side just morally wrong. I mean God forbit something happened and your ex wouldn't be able to react fast enough ...risking and putting his ex's children/your child at sake..I fully support you. Hugs. You absolutely did the right thing.
-- Edited by InspiredPhotography on Friday 31st of August 2012 07:36:52 PM
__________________
"It's impossible said pride. Its risky said experience. Its pointless said reason. Give it a try whispered the heart - Anonymous (via Tad)
I support your decisions. It sounds like you made you choices from the standpoint of what was best for all. It was not done to punish or embarrass him. These are consequences to his actions. Plain and simple. Kids need stable and reliable parents - not drunk passed out parents. From a legal standpoint, the visitation/shared custody is for him right? If he is half-checked out from being drunk, that leaves only you available to interact with and take care of the kids. Hence, you would be enabling him by picking up his slack by doing all the parenting during his visit time with his own children.
Good for you in making these choices while considering everything...I hope you keep turning to a higher power and practicing this kind of detachment while you are going through this with him.
I would also place priority on the children's welfare first. Being honest and not covering for an A in my life would be second as feeling like an accomplice to addiction hurt me and kept the meryy go round spinning. I do think it is a good thing to double check the motives behind making these types of decisions. Motive checks keep me on my own side of the street.
Motives? His oldest is so proud if him for not drinking because he "is a better dad" when he isn't drinking. AH gets angry and hateful, sometimes raging fits. Did not want them to see that again. It's so hard for me as an adult to deal with I can't imagine the toll it takes on a child. But that is a very good point to always look at my motives before making a decision like that.
Luckily he hadn't been drinking yesterday, he was in bed all day. After I got there with the kids he got up to say hi and back to bed he went and only got up to eat, not interacting with his kids at all. I had to work this morning and he got up to ask if I was taking the youngest with me?? No I wasn't, as long as he is not drinking he is very much capable of taking care of his children for a few hours. My son is there and old enough to let me know if he does start drinking or does not get up to take care of them. However I am sure he's already called his mother to come over and help or he will take the kids to her. His parents always take care of my AH, whether it be with the kids, money, bailing him out, paying for attorneys to get him out of trouble. Anyway enough rambling. Just hoping for a good day!
Thank you all for your responses!
