The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I honestly don't know why I thought it would all be over after he went to inpatient and outpatient rehab, counseling and AA, which was almost a year ago. He did so good for most of that time with only a couple relapses with whiskey. They only lasted one night both times and the next day he was back on track. And he was going to AA three times a week. Recently he began to get tired of the meetings, the people at the meetings. It's been a couple weeks since he's been to one. The drinking has started again. At first he just wanted one drink which of course turned into more. I didn't say anything knowing I am not in control of his actions. Now he's trying to hide it for the most part, but it's obvious. He's acting differently, avoiding me, not calling or texting as often as normal during the day. And he's also using again which has been going on about a month from what I can tell.
I have been through it all before and frankly it terrifes me. I know what the alcohol does to him and that's all that's been going through my mind this week. How can I do this again? Am I strong enough? I am trying to just stay focused on me and my actions and not on his. I know there are boundries I am gonna have to set, and I am still trying to figure what those are. I do have literature from Al-anon as I was going to meetings right after he got out of rehab. I guess I just got too comfortable with him being "ok" and didn't think I needed it anymore. But I do need it, now more than ever to get through this again.
Welcome. Door is always open. :) Best part of the journey even though you veer off the path a bit you can always start where you left off. Do not feel guilty. Hugs.
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"It's impossible said pride. Its risky said experience. Its pointless said reason. Give it a try whispered the heart - Anonymous (via Tad)
Welcome Jamie.... glad you found us here - this is a great place, with tons of empathy, support, encouragement, and wisdom....
Yep, it's quite amazing what lengths A's will go to, in order to defend their disease, and/or their right to their addiction....
AA suggests 90 meetings in 90 days, as a great start on their journey.... Your A did (up to) 3x per week for awhile, and now he has decided it is not for him, blah, blah, blah..... There IS some positive in all of this, as no matter what, he has certainly gained some understanding/insight of the disease he has, through his treatment centers, his brief time in AA, etc, so the seed is definitely planted... Their recovery is seldom a straight line, and almost NEVER follows our preferred timeline, lol
So enough about him... what are you going to do about the one person you CAN do something about??
A great old saying we use around here: he is either gonna drink, or he won't... what are YOU gonna do?
Time to choose (or re-choose) recovery for you. I am ten years out of my AW relationship/marriage, and I still get tons of value out of Al-Anon and my recovery.... There is so much good to be learned....
Keep coming back - you're worth it
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thank you! So what am I gonna do? Well I didn't go try to talk to him when I got home from work when I realized he was in bed and the smell of whiskey in the cup in the sink. I expected it because he was on a rampage earlier and thankfully I was just on the other end of a phone line and not anywhere near him. Just gonna try to have a normal night with my son and not engage in any kind of confrontation with him if he does wake up. That's what I am gonna do today.
Jamie...welcome to the board also...Aloha from the Pacific. Your husband is gone and your alcoholic/addict is back. Watch your expectations...if you expect the alcoholic/addict you will be on the right track. Relapses are dangerous and one of the many reasons they are is that the alcoholic/addict doesn't go back to where they started drinking and using but to where they left off and he left off needing to be in professional care for a long time. You won't have to engage the disease...it has already engaged you and your son and your alcoholic/addict. Step Two says, "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could lead us to sanity". The key word is sanity. Prayers for you and your son and Alcoholic/Addict. Keep safe and coming back....(((((Hugs)))))
