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My AH is once again sober. Says this time is different becasue its his choice not mine. Im not under any delusion on this, he's not in treatment and its only been 3 wks. My daughter came over and was talking to both of us last night. Her fiance' has addiction problems with synthetic weed, he takes adderall and sleeping pills but they are RX from doctor. Which she knows can and at times are still abused by him.
My AH was helpful telling her YOU cant change him, no matter how much you babysit him or give ultimatums...he can find a way to do whatever and will... until IF and WHEN he chooses to stop. He also told her its taken him 30 yrs to realize this and at 21 he would have never onsidered stopping for anyone or anything. He told her the only reason he is trying so hard now is he woke up with regrets for all the things done to us (his family) while he was so drunk.. He said he sat on side of bed and was bawling with regret and embarassment and said I dont ever want to feel like this again. He knew he was killing himself as well as his family. He is now in process of finding a new doctor. Our family doctor gives pills easily and he knows if he gets scripts he'll justify using them.
I just wanna cry and tell her.. dont go down this road.. for the love of God ..please dont choose this hard life. But I know I cant say that .. its not my choice and I know that.... she sees the probs we have and have had... but she said.. when things are good yall are so happy. I told her only you know what you can handle ... oh my my heart is breaking for her trying to make this decision..
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
Sweet, it is very difficult when we see our children make the same decisions we have made staying with someone who is like this. You want them so badly not to experience what we as mothers/wives have already experienced. I can't tell you how important it is to allow her to make those choices on her own. You can only be there and offer advice...there is nothing more you can do or say that would or could change her mind. Hugs to you hun. This has to be so devastating.
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"It's impossible said pride. Its risky said experience. Its pointless said reason. Give it a try whispered the heart - Anonymous (via Tad)
when I read your Post it made me think of my mom and i imagined her saying this to because she is doing the same thing and not telling me what i should do but being supportive. Though I know whats going on in her head and what she wants to say. it makes me sad that my parents worry about me. Your daughter has to make a decision on her own because telling her not to only makes some ppl do it more. I have disconnected with most of my family because of my bf and his drinking so support her in any way possiable never lose her she is your daughter send love and prayers your way
Thank you guys ... I am letting her make her own choices.. I tell her she can always talk to me and I treat her AND him no differntly after knowing what I know.. I try to support and just be there... I have lost so many friends becasue I just never walked away and I dont want her to feel that way... If she doesnt bring it up, I dont ask.. I just enjoy her company.. But your support means so much to me HUGS to you all for your replies !
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
Loosing people who are trying to force the hand on one's progress and journey, that is their own "issues." Just like you cannot be responsible for your daughter's choices, you cannot feel guilty for your friends turning away. If you look on the other side and force her, she would be doing it all in vain. She has to follow her own journey in a healthy way. Not by malipluation.
Sending tons of love!
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"It's impossible said pride. Its risky said experience. Its pointless said reason. Give it a try whispered the heart - Anonymous (via Tad)
