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I have really avoided being around or talking on the phone with my relapsing AH since we separated about 3 weeks ago. I have read Getting Them Sober and the whole family has really taken a tough love stance with him. Well, the isolation must be starting to get to him because last night he called and sounded so sad and reasonable (and sober??) on his message that I called him back. He was full of promises and good intentions and wanted me to come home. Thank God I did have enough sense to say no to that or even coming over for a while. I told him that I loved him and hoped it was true but I was going to watch what he does, not what he says. Told him I would not live with an alcoholic anymore. Won't live in financial uncertainty and the chaos that he has created.
Probably don't have to tell you the ending . . . today he is back to the same old raging, delusional, paranoid, hateful person that I see so often lately. I knew better and tried to not hope but I feel so sad and let down all over again. This disease is so cruel. Don't know how much more I can take.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G Llewellyn
Hugs I know it's not easy when they appear so rational and normal the reality is they aren't and until they start working a program of recovery they won't be in the "new normal" with us. They stay in their own version of "normal".
You did great!!! Stick to your side of the street and that whole detachment thing just like you said .. you are going to watch what he does not what he says. SOOOO TOTALLY TRUE!!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
You handled that so well! He probably honestly means what he said in his head but he's not ready to really follow through so it was empty promises as you saw. I say the same thing "I'm going to watch what you do, not what you say".
That was good work. When you wrote "Not sure how much more I can take"....with me, I just naturally detached and started caring less. He didn't change after the break up but he became not my problem anymore. It takes time to reach that spot. At 3 weeks out I was still standing in a big mess of wreckage from that relationship.
Awesome stuff.... two things are clear to me, from your share:
1. You did great - handled it as well as you could possibly do
2. The internal process (for him) has definitely started.... it won't happen in "your" timeframe expectations, to be sure, but rest assured - he is noticing the changes, and is learning that the status quo is no longer an option...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
