The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My S/O is working. I know he has breaks inbetween, he hasn't bothered to text me. That is ok :) It would be nice, but not necessary. This am he got up and went right for his phone to check his Facebook. I started to hang up the laundry. He is like what? You aren't going to talk to me? Honestly I have been crying the last three days. This is my low point. I usually can truck it pretty good. Then there is a point when you suddenly can't hold it anymore.
I sat down and told how I felt. He is always angry. Blaming me. I just want to be loved like a normal person. The girls do as well. Every sentence comes out why he is angry and I'm always at fault. I don't do this, I do this, I am like this, on and on.
I just want to wake up knowing I have that partner there no matter what. I have been there through his first divorce, through him lossing a child (it wasn't his), I have supported him through bankcruptcy, I have supported him through tireless hours of finding jobs (he gets fired due to lack of attendance). I have always been there. I have never turned my back and told him SCREW it, I am done. I can't do this.
Well today he tells me, (since I can't work a full time job due to health reasons) he says I don't know what you are going to do when I retire. That money is for me to live not you.
I just wish I could wake up to this horrible reason and admit to myself he really doesn't care about me. When I cry he just even more angry. Pissed off. He walks out the door, says bye.
Most of the time I just stay quiet. So quite that I feel like I am dying inside.
I hope someone can help me with the Al Anon chat (online). I would love to attend.
__________________
"It's impossible said pride. Its risky said experience. Its pointless said reason. Give it a try whispered the heart - Anonymous (via Tad)
Have been there, (hate that phrase) I will use another one I understand everything your going thru.
At one of my Alanon meetings many years ago one of the members said something that is so true and it stuck with me. "an alcoholic is like a one arm bandit." You keep putting in and nothing comes back.
Expectations will get us on a pity party the quickest. Its not about whether he cares for you or not. An alcoholics needs must be met and his needs come before yours.
Alcoholics are also dependent on you to do all the things for them that interfere with their drinking. Like a job, that interfere's with their drinking. The disease doesnt allow them any free time.
Its all about going back to that first step. "We are powerless" and really getting an understanding and acceptance that we are living with a disease.
I hope you get into the chatroom and sounds like you need to step up those face to face Alanon meetings. Get the focus on YOU.
Happy Birthday to you!!! I'm sorry for your pain and have had many lousy birthday's because of these same issues. I still don't understand the selfishness. Go out and do something nice for yourself. Show yourself that you are special and you are. When we over give and over do we loose ourselves and forget that we need love too and feel unappreciated. We can give it to ourselves. I am trying to practice this myself and it's hard but the slogans and readers help.
