The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi catlady, and welcome to the Miracles in Progress board. Have you considered going to an Al-Anon meeting for parents? My 25 y.o. daughter is an alcoholic (as is her dad). I have found that these meetings offer a great deal of support, hope and tools for dealing with our addicted sons and daughters. You can find a local meeting by going to the Al-Anon website: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
-- Edited by Green Eyes on Sunday 26th of August 2012 12:58:23 PM
Hi. I am not sure how to do this except to just jump in. I am a mother of a teenage (19) son who is actively using. He has admitted to my husband and I that he is smoking marijuana and drinking. He has already been to rehab-about 2 years ago and they wanted him to enter into a halfway house and he stayed there about 2 weeks and then came home. The only thing that has changed is that he has a job now and a car. He wouldn't have either of those if he hadn't had fines to pay off. Now he works so he has money to support his habits. We have threatened to kick him out if it continues and it has. I have tried to talk to him, threaten him, grounded him, called the law on him, nothing works. My husband and I are recovering addicts ourselves and know deep down that no matter what we do it is up to him to want to stop and he is not ready. Now I am at the crossroads of kicking him out. We have 2 girls, ages 3 yrs and 21 mos also in the home. The chaos my son causes is rippling throughout the house. My husband and I argue over him alot, and then we are already on edge and when the girls act normally for there age we are sometimes sharper in our words with them. I am tired of the turmoil. I just want some peace in my home. I love my son, for a long time it was just him and I, but watching him self destruct up close is eating me alive. I will always worry, I am a parent, but I feel like I need to distance myself from him to save myself and my family. Some objective advice would be appreciated. I try to talk to my husband, but he just doesn't have an attachment to my son and has a hard time relating. Thanks for listening anyways.......
Well we spoke with my son this morning and told him he has a time limit of 2 weeks to find somewhere else to stay. He says he already knows where he is going, a using "buddy's" house. I told him that I love him and we are not saying that he can't come over to visit or not have any contact, we are just saying that since he has made the choice to continue using and bringing it into the home, that he knew what the consequences would be if caught and he was willing to chance it. So now he has to leave. I think this was the hardest thing I have ever had to do so far. I say so far because I know what lays ahead down the road he is going on and that there will be tougher things ahead for us all. Now comes the fallout from my enabling family. Oh how I HATE addiction and the turmoil, hurt, anger, and destruction it leaves in its' wake. I think it is getting time for me to start going to some more aa/na meetings and try to fit in some alanon meetings too. Sanity and serenity are in short supply around here today.
Get yourself back into the programs that you know work - the enabling family have no say in how you run your household.
I'm going thru the same thing with my A son - only difference he is 43yo. Now, one question: Is the vehicle and the insurance in his name? If not, it should be. I took my vehicle away from my son a few days ago. My husband & I have very little left in retirement fund and will not be left open to loosing that if son has an accident in my vehicle.
Aloha Catlady...both you are your husband are in recovery...marvelous!! The same steps, same traditions, slogans, different literature and the same effort in "walking it" is how it is done. It works for everyone who is affected by someone elses drinking and using. See if you can find some "doubles" that work both programs in the meetings you attend and partner up with them...the experiences are miraculous. Keep coming back to MIP. In support (((((hugs)))))
