The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After weeks of fear, distress, frustration and anxiety emotions and several of related posts, today I feel like sharing a positive emotion:
returning calm through growing awareness!
Reality has not become 'ideal', but there is movement, improvement...at least on my side. Because I have found MIP, I have spoken up, I have let it all out, I have written, researched and learned about it, and share about what is this disease and its effect on people, both users and those standing next to those who use.
I am thankful for having the courage to listen to my inner voice telling me that some things were very wrong, for not being too harsh with myself, for taking care of my inner child, for treating it nicely over the last few years, for being able now to seek help when I can't deal with things on my own, for being lucky and capable to both meet great people on my way AND letting them in, for having nice lovely ideas for my life.
Awareness is growing , simply through gaining knowledge. The disease is still with the users, both my A father, and ABF, in different stages, in different conditions. What has changed a bit in the past months is exactly MY awareness of things, relations and facts in the past. More then one AHA-effect has been coming to me as enlightment. Yes, I needed to understand things, situations, the chaos. I am who I am, wanting to understand, needing to understand the role I am playing or the role that has been given to me in a former past. I am constantly asking questions. That doesn't make a control freak out of me. Now that I get some questions answered due to personal work and patience and time and true vision, my controlling issues get less. It's not about them anymore, I came back to myself, just realizing I can watch or control more or less what going on with my emotions, and my boundaries. I don't need more than that right now. I am thankful for what I have learned, for what I have been taught. It's not finsihed, it's work in constant process, my work. But if the feeling is similar to the one I have in this moment, well I am more than ready to walk the path, be it as long as it has to be, because this feeling is simply calm and free. That's how i alsways imagined life to be.
((((Tortuga))))...Mahalo Nui (thank you so much) because this becomes my page of the day. Your share would fit soooo nicely and right on in any of our daily reader and in our "As We Understood" reader. I hope others read this share and come away from it energized. ((((hugs))))
