Hi Rosie,

you do not say if you are attending al anon meetings if not may I suggest you try to find your local meeting and attend 6 times.  Living with disease was a nightmare before I found al anon and I became very down and ill.  Today I understand more about what I am dealing with and get lots of support and love from the other member and wow I have needed it.

When my alcoholic is drinking i can see the disease but when he is dry I expect him to be normal when he isnt I get angrey, hurts etc.  Now I try and look at it like he is mentally ill, depressed drinking or not.  I can not expect normal behavior from him, I have to take care of me.  When my partner is in AA he does get better really slowly if he does as they say.  Sometimes he goes ten paces forwarsd then right back to sqaure one.  today i try not to go to the hardware store for bread.  I have emotionally closeness with my recovery friends.

 

Please keep up the good work of makeing your own life enjoyable and hope that includes becoming a grateful member of al anon hugs tracy xx

Rosie,

I am new to this board as well. I can relate to what you are going through. My husband is drunk almost every day. When he isn't drinking he is moody and easily aggravated with me. He doesn't do anything around the house because he is too busy getting his buzz on or too hung over to function. He is deeply depressed because of being laid off from work and also dealing with the recent death of his brother. He is using both as excuses to drink. Recently he declared that he wanted to dry out, it didn't even last a week. He is drinking tonight and tells me he will only do this once a week. Yeah, I've heard it all.

We live in a new town where I don't know anyone and it is difficult to go do things I enjoy by myself. All I really want to do is go back to my mom n dad's which is about 4 hours away from here. I feel so alone and ANGRY!

I went to a meeting a few weeks ago, haven't been back. I think it will help, but my work schedule will not allow me to go to that same one.

I do understand what you mean about loving him less and less every day. I was getting to the point that the sight of him disgusted me. Then in the past few days while he was not drinking, I had my husband back for the most part. Today he said he felt better, and then he went to get beer. The disappointment is heart breaking. This roller coaster is worse that if he were drinking every day. At least then it would be easier to make the decision to leave.

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Sending BIG ((HUGS)) to you! Hang in there and keep taking care of yourself.

Hello almostgivenup. I live about the 4hrs from my parent too. We have also moved to a village where he used to come as a child. Although its an amazing place to live its been difficult to make new friends all of the ones I have met and we are friends with are all big drinkers and he pub is their main focus.........this is not mine. I've stopped going out with him now. I refuse to be ignored while we are out because he has had a few beers and he feels like he can ignore me. I'm beginning to wonder if he used to get me to go out with him so that I could drive back. I'm not the bravest driver so if we were going anywhere long distance we would always stay the night.....all because he wants to relax and have a beer! Or 4. I understand how you feel. At the beginning of this year I made a decision and that was that I had to take care of my needs and what I wanted so I have started running and I'm doing tai chi all of which keep me out of the house. He chooses to sit at the pub or with the neighbour who is also aware of the problem and drink! Its given me more of a drive to get healthy and always look good when I go out. I no longer care if he chooses to stand by the bar and drink with random people while I stand around trying to look like I'm with someone! In the rare occasion we go out as a couple! I make sure that I speak to my parents everyday. Even if it's just to hear their voice you have to remember that there are people out there who love you even though your AH is behaving the way he is. I have detached myself from my marriage now which can not be good but that is the only way that I can defend my feelings from someone who is so up and down. I don't know where my marriage is going but if he was to say to me that it's not working any more the I would not be upset. I have tried my hardest to make it clear that alcahol is breaking our marriage yet he thinks there is no problem. We even went to marriage counciling and discussed our issues in the open. Well I thought if your goi to continue as you were and act like nothing is happening then this is all your fault! But....I would never have got to this stage unless I started to look after myself. I feel like I'm being horrible to my husband but I have to take care of myself and there is not a night that goes by where I don't cry. I have to take everyday as it comes and 1 day I hope the answer will come. Please make sure you take care of yourself and get back your confidence. Get yourself out there and meet new people. There is a world out there that is happy and where people laugh and have fun. Surrounding yourself with happy people makes you stronger Big Hugs to you too X