Sometimes the program sneaks up on me - Al-Anon Family Group

Amandakay · Veteran Member

Sometimes the program sneaks up on me

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

An acquaintance was telling a story about how other drivers have been trying to race her and her new car constantly and explained how she outmaneuvered this particular driver who tried to pass her. As I was listening I had an experience of actually feeling my uneasy emotional reaction which consisted of weighing qualities that I want to have close or distance relationships with. I know I looked a little confused as she spoke because all I could really hear in my head was AlAnon talking

Why bother engaging with someone trying to race you? <How important is it?>

Why hold on to the event for days to be telling me about this? <Let go.>

Why is the focus on other peoples reaction to the new car rather than the enjoyment of having a new car? <What others think is none of my business>

Does this person carry the need to win or be right into areas of life that may affect me? <What is my part?>

I wondered if she thought about whether this other driver may have been doing the best they could for an important reason or if the instant reaction was to take the action personally. <Acceptance and Quit taking it personally>

And in the end detachment is a wonderful tool. I took from the experience the peace that comes from being able to observe without becoming overly involved and the ability to engage with a simple I am glad you arrived safely. As well as the overall knowledge that this person is a beautiful human being but maybe I should watch for signs before becoming closer to her and maybe not ride in her car J

I know how much I rely on my AlAnon tools in times of stressful interactions with my exAH but feeling and hearing this during a simple interaction has shown me just how much that toolbox has become a part of my everyday life. I know those same questions and ideas float thru my head about my own actions during daily life and they make me a better person than I ever was before.

Jen

Highlyfavored · Senior Member

Good! "It work if you work it!"

Gettingitright!!

AStrongerMe · ~*Service Worker*~

I sure hope to get where you are! I've had glimpses of that but I really need to do that for myself more often than not, ...first.... One day at a time :) Thank you for the share, very inspiring! Makes me want to get there more.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

thank you Jen, I could almost hear your mind working! hugs and slobbery six inch pink tongue kisses. ugh

1911A1 · Senior Member

When I noticed for the first time that my program was following me out of the rooms...that's when I realized that it had truly taken root.

Like a wise old-timer in my F2F home group likes to say: I don't know how it works, I only know that it works.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.