As I have told you before my oldest A son has just celebrated his 1st AA anniversary. I am so grateful for that. He and I attend our meetings on Saturday evenings as much as possible. He goes upstains...I go downstairs

I have always known my younger son had a problem. I have even labeled him an A the last couple of years. It seems now that it is progressing. He lives in Japan with his Japanease wife and my 2 adorable grandchildren. His drinking has never really affected his life the way my older son's drinking did. He is much more functional and is not an every day drinker. He controls it for about a month to 6 weeks. It seems those time are getting closer together. It is affecting his marriage and I am inclined to believe that it has somewhat affected his career in the Navy.

I am sure he knows that it is aism. When we were there at Christmas he showed me where he downloaded the Big Book to his ipod. However, when the time comes for the need to get out and tie one on for a weekend he tells his wife that he can handle social drinking one night every month or so....NOT!!! Although there is so much drinking by the Japanese (and by sailors) my dil tells me that they don't really know about the disease of aism. She has told me in the past that her mom left her dad because of his drinking. When we met them they were together (everyone still drinking) Her father passed away from pancreatic cancer in 2006. I am not sure but I think that heavy drinking and smoking could contribute to that disease. Correct me if I am wrong. Anyway, drinking is a big part of their lives and AA is not. My son is afraid to go to AA on base because he fears it will hurt his career and he will retire in less then 4 years. Of course...if his drinking is not under control long before his retirement, his wife has already let him and us know  know that she will not be moving back to the states with him. She wants to be around her family to be more secure in knowing she has somewhere to go when she has the fears of him out drinking. I don't blame her for that. They probably wouldn't be moving to the same area we live in. They will move to San Diego. First of all I am a little resentful that they have lived around her family for several years and they have formed close relationships with the grandchildren. They do not know their dad's family. Secondly I am resentful that my son would allow this to happen. If she doesn't move to the states we will never have a relationship with the grandchildren  My husband has already made his last trip to Japan last Christmas. We were actually expecting them to come here next summer. I really wasn't going to go anymore either but something tells me that I need to see my babies. By the time next summer gets here....who knows?

Although I see my 2 granddaughters from my older son alot it was never the relationship I dreamed of having. It has always been a sort of chaperone situation because of my son's aism. Thank God we have formed a close bond with them in spite of the heartache of their divorce and his addiction. I am so grateful for that. Where my resentment with this situation comes in is that I have always felt like an outsider in their lives....with having separate b-day parties etc. I love them so much. It is a relationship I will never have with my other grandchildren and for that I am very sad.

Needless to say, I am going there next month to form a bond with the children in spite of what is going on in son and dil's lives. This trip if for the children and me and I intend to spend a lot of one on one time with each of them.

Anyway, it seems that I got way off track here but it has done me good spelling it all out for myself.

Bottom line....even though we are on the recovery road with older A son one day at a time, HP wants to make sure I don't get lazy so he is handing me another reason to keep seeking my recovery. Again....another grateful gift from HP.

I know you all have heard this a lot in the past but I don't know how I would have gotten through many years without MIP...even when I didn't atten F2F meetings I always came here and at least read posts.

Luv you guys...Gail