I will try to cut this long story short.....

Some background required knowledge: 

• Paying for an overseas trip so have no spare money at present. 
• Husband who is atrocious at organising things
• My husbands brothers funeral to pay for and he wants to give $1000 and I say its too much, but how can ya argue with a brothers funeral!!!
• My husbands son is moving away interstate (lives with his mum currently) and I have been saying for months, you have to organise the child support stuff.

So........ the story...........

Money is tight at the moment to pay for our holiday. Husbands son is going interstate for an apprenticeship and a number of weeks ago we paid the bond on a place for him to rent.  Several times I reiterated to and with my husband.... that is the child support money.  Make sure we don't still have to pay your ex that money.... etc etc.. words to that effect over and over.  He kept saying Yes it is all ok.

Anyways, son flys out yesterday and when I get home from work yesterday I asked how it went with child support telling them he had left the care of his mother.  He said... stuff.. and oh we owe $400 odd to child support.  My comment... well we don't because we paid that to his bond instead.  Husbands angry reaction "well you can have that argument with them then".  "My response... you are kidding me... this is why I told you months ago to sort this out"  I had to stop speaking at that point.

anyways... in the past.. that woudl have been a full blown argument, if not with husband directly, with husband in my little head.  I was furious, I was fuming.  Another $400 odd to go to the ex (she doesn't pass it on to the kid), and that is us having to double up on the payment!!!!!!! Furious!!!!!!!!!!!!

I decided to get my phone.  I lay on the couch.  I played bejewled and looked at facebook.  My head was spinning in argument mode.  I chose not to say anything, not one word.  He was mumbling away looking at the child support webpage.  I stayed perfectly quiet, still, allowing my brain to do its thing.

A number of times I thought to say something, something angry to make my point etc. To voice how angry I was at another $400 going out on top of the funeral costs etc etc.  But I chose not to.  He was angry, I was angry.  I was allowing myself to be angry and feel what I was feeling without judging it.

I thought... this might pass this feeling.  AS I sat there over time (about half an hour) the anger started to subside.  My head started to clear.  I started to be able to think clearer.  I chose to still not say anything.  Eventually I got up and did a few chores quietly.  The waves of fury were starting to subside.  He got up and started doing things.  Eventually I went to him and asked if he wanted to tell me what was annoying him.

Long story short (yeah right), we talked about it.  He said yes he will pay it BUT he will tell his son to get hte money from his mother (they don't talk).  He will work out a date that the money we have already paid (over $1000 in a month) is settled and then we will start to pay half his sons rent.  But we won't be paying double the child support.

So ... my head.. sitting there fuming about paying double rah rah rah etc etc... gettting angry.. I could have made it so much worse.  I chose to sit and allow the feelings and the thoughts without judgement.  Allowed myself to be angry and it went away.  and what I was angry about... paying double.. wasn't fact anyway... it was only a fact in my head.

I am so glad I have learned to allow myself to have these feelings, and that its ok to have them.  I chose not to voice them at that time, and when I was calmer, I talked it out.  I allowed him to be angry at his ex (long story) and we didn't argue.  If I had done what I normally would have done, the night would have been ruined and a huge fight would have ensued.  We would have ended up not talking etc.  He drank a fair bit but was ok in his mood etc.  It could have been very different.

I like it this way better.