The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Things have been going very well with my wife's recovery. She's been sober, as far as I know, since Easter, and beyond being just sober she seems very together and well adjusted. She's made some very close friends in her program and that seems to have made a tremendous difference for her. I won't lie that this has made things much easier for me from an Al Anon perspective. It's easy to feel like you are successfully working your program when your partner is finding and embracing sobriety.
This past weekend I was thrown a curveball. My wife and I were in the basement, doing laundry, and she bought a box over to me. She opened it and said "I found this the other day when I was looking for something". Inside the box was an empty bottle of vodka, the kind that I have found many times in the last couple of years.
I could have responded in so many ways, but I simply did as she asked and took it and threw it away. My head started playing many old tapes--"why didn't she just throw it out when she found it, why is she showing it to me?"; "she must have drank this the other night when she stayed up late"; "I'm sure I would have found this bottle at some point so it HAS TO BE recent"...etc., etc.
But I told myself--she has never appeared anything but sober for the last 4 months, and if she is drinking after I go to bed, that is her business, not mine, and ultimately the disease will rear its ugly head again in waking hours if that is the case.
I still don't really know why she showed it to me and didn't simply throw it out herself. But it doesn't really matter, ultimately. I know nothing in life is a smooth, straight path and that curveballs like this will come along periodically...
Interesting, but at least ONE answer might be that she is trying to be completely honest with you, and wanted to show you this, rather than simply pretending it didn't happen, or disposing of it herself..... Sounds to me like she is practicing the 'rigorous honesty' of her program, and hopefully that is all it is....
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Her actions in showing you the bottle rather than disposing of it behind your back makes me think that she is acknowledging the struggle with her addiction and the insanity that went along with it. My A son showed me a couple of bottles that he found stashed under the cushions of the patio furniture - neither were empty but he put them directly into the trash. The struggle with sobriety is difficult and I believe that our A's do need some positive reinforcement along their journey.
She was probably as suprised as you were when she found that bottle , when my husb sobered up he found bottles in places he just couldnt believe he had hid them , we laughed and he said drinking he would have known where every one of them was stashed ..
With everything else, let Higher power have her and don't start playing ping-pong with Him, lol. Keep focus on the good stuff because what I focus on gets BIGGER
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
When you are sober, it is disturbing to find the bottles yourself. Just a thought. It could by like you were thinking too but in the end it doesn't matter...all that matters is today.
You have gotten great ESH .. I would have been more concerned if she didn't say anything and you found it in the trash rather than her just being honest and saying this is here. What Pink said really strikes through from what I have heard in AA meetings. Each day is a new 24 hours and for whatever reason maybe yesterday it didn't bother the RA, today it does. Kudos to her for working her program and having rigorous honesty about what was in the box and kudos to you for working your own program and choosing a different response.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
"This is a test...this is only a test" comes to my mind. "I could have responded in so many ways, but I simply did as she asked and took it and threw it away. My head started playing many old tapes--"why didn't she just throw it out when she found it, why is she showing it to me?" It wasn't your task to throw the bottle away...it was hers. I remember learning how not to enable and on one occasion when I returned the responsiblity to my alcoholic/addict wife she got flustered and told me "But you've always done it that way" (just like my sponsor predicted). I responded calmly, "I know and I'm starting to change that". If you want to dialogue with her about her intentions at showing you the bottle...dialogue and be honest yourself because that is part of the healing process...the open and honest part of our recovery. It also gets to be tested or else we don't learn of how much value it has. If it made you suspicious speak to being suspicious still without justification and some of the things you have learned and practiced in your recovery process which is not hers. She can learn from you and you from her also. Last time you looked in the mirror I bet you found another human being looking back at you.
I can be had in a heartbeat and most of the time I'm the one who gets to say, "There I got myself good that time"!! Keep coming back...it only gets better. ((((hugs))))
