New, but want to work this out - Al-Anon Family Group

isitmytime514 · Member

New, but want to work this out

AllieinAlanon · Veteran Member

Welcome. :)

Every situation is different.

For me, alanon is about self-care and being happy whether or not the A drinks or not, no matter what the A does or doesn't do, whether or not we are still marrierd to our A.

I am also new again. A retread.

Allie

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

I will be honest with you. You want it to work out you cant do it alone and not without Alanon.

Keep coming back and keep going to meetings.

Hugs, Bettina

isitmytime514 · Member

thank you for the replies. it may be a moot point now. we had "words" again tonite... he was very different this time. on the attack, is the only way i can describe it. i've gained 30 lbs since we married 5 yrs ago... and i'm only doing pet sitting P/T right now, and money is getting bad. i tried to point out that his drinking is costing us so much money, 3 30-pks of beer a week. i've said it before, but i don't know if he thought i was leading up to some kind of ultimatum or what, but next thing i knew he was saying how fat i am now, and that i'm downright lazy. and asking me if i was trying to say i'd love him again, if he only quits drinking? i've never once said i didn't love him, or even anything close to wanting to leave him. and saying he wants to "sleep on it". i'm dumbfounded...
and hurt, and... lost

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear mytime

Hugs and welcome to Miracles in progress. I am so sorry that this dreadful disease is causing havoc in your life The affect of living with alcoholism is as you describe. We loose ourselves little by little so that we need a program of recovery . Alanon is just such a program

I urge you to check out face to face meetings in your community. Help is doing so can be found

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.htmlOr call: 1-888-4alanon

We, in alanon believe that alcoholism is a disease that we did not cause, cannot control and cannot cure. Living with this disease affects our emotional well being and we need a recovery program of our own. In alanon we learn how to break the isolation caused by the disease by attending face to face meetings in the community. . We also learn to focus on ourselves, live one day at a time with courage, serenity and wisdom.

Keep coming here as well .

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Yes, sometimes their words hurt, but you must realize its the disease talking. Your husband has a disease and it will not go away on its own. In Alanon we learn the tools of coping with life with an alcoholic. In the morning he wont even remember what was said. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. My X A drank non stop 35 years. I wont go in to all the health issues and problems he caused for himself and our marriage.

We practice detaching and many other tools of the program. We cant change the alcoholic but we can change our reactions and learn a new way of living and recovery. You can find serenity in the midst of the craziness. When you have practiced the program for awhile you will be better equipped to make decisions and solutions for your future. Nobody will tell you whether you should stay or leave your husband . That is completely your choice.

You might try attending a face to face alanon meeting in your area. Along with this board.

Most important , keep coming back.

Hugs, Bettina

isitmytime514 · Member

ty...by the way, my name's terri. I looked for a meeting earlier this evening. I have an appt next week at the meeting time, but I'm thinking about going the following week. he was so cold tonite. have never seen him quite like that. it's put me off balance

isitmytime514 · Member

update:
9 days ago, AH decided that he wasn't going to drink thru the week, just on the weekends. so he did just that last week, buying beer on Fri, and drinking that nite, and Sat nite. he said he felt awful... but he had to work all weekend, so came home those nites acting like he was "coming down with something". i just nodded, and went on with what i was doing lol. so far this week, he hasn't drank anything alcoholic since Sat nite. he seems like he feels better, but i've noticed he's on the crankier side... snarky, is the word i like to use.

i'm just posting this as an update... i'm really not fooling myself that this will be the "cure". i'm well aware that he is still sick, and that he will continue to be sick, even if he only drinks on the weekend. he still drank a 30 pack over Fri/Sat nites! no wonder he was feelin crappy... amazing to me, that he deludes himself.
oh well.. i just wanted to say what's goin on, that i didn't just pop on here, and disappear into the woodwork lol.
crossing my fingers that he will finally realize that he needs help... :)
~terri

JJ21 · Veteran Member

They always go into attack mode when you bring up alcohol. They are on the defense and feel we are judging them so they have to put us down. Really crazy. Mine was always leaving me I'm sorry letters in the morning and how ashamed he was and then he would do it all over again or not remember. Eventually the apologies stopped and he didn't even have any remorse. It gets old. Hope it gets better for you. Learn some tools and try not to take it personally. It's hard.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.