The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Its not too late for miracles in your life. This sounds like the best day you have had, being able to tell your story and reaching out to Alanon.
You really would benefit from the support of Alanon and a face to face Alanon meeting. I hope you pick up the phone and ask where there is a meeting near you. Its most important for your sanity and serenity. There is nothing you can do for your daughter . There are boundaries you can inforce and put into place . Its not too late if your looking to change your life.
You can also join the chat or online meetings on this board.
Please keep coming back. Hugs, Bettina
-- Edited by Bettina on Thursday 9th of August 2012 06:25:28 PM
I need to say it somewhere to know I exist. I am drained -- of resources and strength of mind, body and whatever else there is. After four years of repeated and lengthy trips to hell, I feel beat. I always thought I would just pull up the bootstraps and move forward from whatever and how much. My 39-year-old daughter's addictions have brought me here. Alcohol, drugs, sex, eating, who knows what else. She has suffered, the family suffered, and I reluctantly say I have suffered. I have tried to be there through the death of her mother, my wife, her husband left her on the day of her major surgery and married her good friend, she embraced all her addictions and lost her van in a wreck, arrested for dwi, twice for public drunk, her ex took advantage and took the kids, my grandkids that are my life, and now the other woman is their stepmother, lost her teaching job, lost her home, went through all money, retirement, her resources and mine including two successful businesses, I owe taxes, bills, she owes unknown bills, especially medical bills, and then was diagnosed with breast cancer, has undergone chemo, double mastectomy, radiation and on and on, and we both live in a tiny two-room shack with taxes owed on it, I have two jobs thankfully we subsist by borrowing between paydays. Yeah, I'm even hungry right now for the first time in my life because we needed medicine, electricity and then she spends on alcohol again and again. The sex thing -- she gets on craig's list and finds men -- multiples. My wife and I lived 40 years trying to do what was right and never getting behind with a bill and working -- we worked hard. The thing is, I have gone to Al-Anon and it helps when I can. I feel like apologizing for putting all of this out here. I needed an outlet and thank those who made this one possible. I will go on, and I am glad I've always had glass-half-full attitude even if it doesn't look like that here. I love my daughter and want to give her what she needs without enabling. It appears I am failing in that.
Welcome! Glad you found this board. "I feel like apologizing for putting all of this out here." No need for apologies. You chose a good place to share.
I agree with you about Alanon meetings. I've found them very helpful too. I always feel not so alone with my problems after sharing them at a face to face meeting with others who truly understand and are supportive. I'm glad that although it took a little time, I did find an Alanon sponsor at one of my face to face meetings. Sometimes there's so much on my mind and heart and I need the non judgemental listening ear of my sponsor who truly understands is even willing to meet me for a coffee and share her recovery experience, strength and hope with me. I especially need this when I'm feeling very little strength and am low on hope. Faith in my higher power helps too these day. I had no higher power in the beginning though. I been through so much, I wondered if there was such a thing as a loving god. I'm glad I keep coming back to the rooms of Alanon and putting my faith in the recovery and wisdom shared by Alanon members who also have problems. Our mutual sharing helps us to find and keep our serenity. The power of the sharing in the rooms helps me go back out into the world with the strength I need to begin making small changes to improve my life situation and regain my sanity. I hope you'll keep coming back to the rooms of Alanon. You never know whose life you may touch and vise versa. You're worth it! We all are! TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Aloha Whats Next...you said "It appears I am failing in that." and some failures are better than others. My sponsor once used my former exercise of weight lifting as a metaphor to get "Letting Go" into my head. He asked me "What do you do when you cannot lift the weights up"? and I replied "Drop them or get a hernia" (from experinence of course) My alcoholic/addict was my wife and he then told me I had to let go off all things alcohol in my life. Understanding and coming to faith and trust that there really was a higher power in her life and my life also I stopped trying to be it and dropped the enabling. Your daughter sounds abit like my exalcoholic/addict wife (the disease has more similarities than differences)...she also sounds like my alcoholic/addict son. I use to wonder why they wouldn't do "it" like I wanted them to and use to complain about it to my sponsor. I didn't understand why and then he answered clearly, "Because they don't want to". I put down my weights and turned away from the bar. She's fulfilling her own choices because she wants to in spite of what you want...Let go...Let God, yours and hers.
Keep coming back and get to meetings and your sponsor in between. (((hugs)))
Welcome to MIP. I am glad you found us and if you stick around and read and are able to make it to some Al-anon face to face meetings you might find some better resources to assist yourself in dealing with alcoholism. Please keep coming back. Sending you love and support!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
