The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
(((((HUGS!!!!!))))) Keep working your program! It's not always gonna be easy... Somethings hurt in order to heal. Be gentle with yourself. Sending encouragement your way and another (((((Hug)))))) because you can never have too many of them!
-- Edited by Amandakay on Wednesday 8th of August 2012 10:08:45 PM
__________________
Mandy
Don't settle for less than your potenial. Remember, average is as close to the bottom as to the top. ~Unknown
No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back! ~Unknown
So it has been a couple months since I have written on here and I am hoping it is a good thing, because I never felt happier in life. Ever since my crack head ex boyfriend broke into my house, I have not heard from him at all. I pretty much forgot he existed. I have been so happy. I met a great guy who is only a friend and he is the true definition of a gentlemen. He has really kept my spirits up and has been helping me forget my past.
I stopped thinking and wondering if my ex changed or if he is back with the mother of his child. However, today was the restraining order hearing and I did not expect him to come. And all of a sudden I see chains and cuffs walking down the hall and it is him. I automatically panicked and went into shock. We went inside the court room and both agreed to 1 yr order and he mentioned he was leaving to jamacia and I automatically started wondering about his life again.
I walked out in tears (after he left so he wouldnt get the satisfaction) but every single ounce of pain came back and I am now asking myself again, has he changed? I now wish I couldve spoken to him and let him know how i feel. I have no idea how he is feeling right now and knowing the unknown is frightening.
I have been working soooooo hard on healing and happiness and I havent cried in forever and now its like am i taking another step back?? The old me wouldve stopped the order and would work things out with him because I felt bad. I hate the feeling of ending things with people on bad terms. I dont know how to feel. It almost makes it like a relapse again because I feel hopeless and empty like giving in.
But why give up the happiness i have worked hard for? Is it because I miss him or I cant handle the fight to hold on a little longer?? I almost regret going today.
I'm so sorry, that sounds painful, scary and all kinds of emotionally bad. A big hug from me and I hope you get your peace back soon. It's a temporary setback right?
When someone is in jail, they are forcibly sober. At that time, they would appear most sympathetic. It's natural that you would see him in a bit better light. It's not about strength. It's about self esteem. You sound like you have done some good work but 2 months is a short time to really build up a confident self. Keep up the work!!!! It doesn't stop just cuz you saw him. This is just a test for you to continue feeling good about yourself, not to doubt yourself.
***If its too boring to be treated well then get back to work on the program...***
Now, those are some wise words!!! And so true... in one of my face-to-face meetings I attend, we recently discussed the people many of us automatically pick and those words came up! Sober people are boring... when your not healthy! Be encouraged! (((HUGS)))
-- Edited by Amandakay on Thursday 9th of August 2012 03:48:32 PM
__________________
Mandy
Don't settle for less than your potenial. Remember, average is as close to the bottom as to the top. ~Unknown
No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back! ~Unknown
I know anticipating my triggers is so so key for me. Certain people places and things set me off. I heard recently someone who I had a lot of issues with is dying from cancer. All the stuff I went through around the relationship came up.
I don't think it is backwards to be triggered personally. We live life on life's terms and certainly there are ups and downs. The main thing is we have a program to help us get back up again.
