The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Im new here and readin ppls posts have made me cry and sympathise to alot of whats being said. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 yrs going on eight and he has been a active drinker/abusive partner and constant dissapoinment. broken promises and lies is what im used to. I put myself second to everything. he is easy to deal with when he is drink only till a certain point then its like all hell breaks loose. I made my home into a home and all he does is smash things and takes anger out on me and on possessions like they have feelings or something. I feel like since i have meet him my life isnt going anywhere Im always sad and crying always hurt by the things he says to mee when he is drunk. I wanna run run away and never looking back but when i do i cry and get lonl for him and he tell me he will quit then im back and he starts drinking again ugh i dont know what to do i need some guidence and strength I pray for it every night. I went home for my grandmothers birthday and he started drinking and made the whole thing horriable for me when i wanted to be there for my grandmother and he made it all about him so selffish but when i tell him this im the bad one. he's still taking me down with him
It's late but I wanted you to get some type of answer tonight. Sorry to hear the things you are going through but they sound all too familiar. I know one of the recommendations you will get is to read Getting Them Sober by Toby Rice Drews. If you google it, you can read excerpts now. I have been using this board since February and just bought the book today. Wish I had done it sooner. I have read most of the advice in the book here at some point or another but it is nice to have it all in one place. Keep reading and coming back.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G Llewellyn
I too am glad that you found us and would like to suggest that you search out alanon face to face meetings in your community and attend These meetings can be located by calling the local chapter of alanon.
The behavior and feelings that you describe are very familiar
We believe that alcoholism is a disease that we did not cause cannot control and cannot cure. Living with this disease affects our emotional well being and we need a recovery program of our own. Alanon was founded for this purpose.
We have on line meetings here that are also very helpful
Young, old, rich and poor...the one thing we all have in common is being affected by someone's else's alcoholism.
My ExA would go into rages and break things...temper tantrums really...and then he would be sorry etc etc...but I always found myself wondering what I did to cause it, and how could I control the situation so it wouldn't happen again. I spent alot of time walking on eggshells, and living my life in order to avoid him getting mad.
Alanon teaches you SO many things...a new way of thinking and being. You didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure his disease. You CAN find ways to take care of you, whether you decide to stay with him or move on.Get to a meeting, and read as much on this board as you can. Early on, some of the stuff in Alanon sounded like completely out to lunch to me...so for now, take what you can use from others' experiences, and leave the rest.
There are MILLIONS of us affected by alcohol. You are not alone...but there are ways to take care of you, whether your A drinks or not.
((((T)))) You're qualified to be with us for sure!! When you get the time scroll back and read the other hundreds of shares from MIP members who have come in with the same story or close to the same story. It's always close to the same so you are not alone. My recovery from being a victim to the disease of alcoholism came from inside the doors of the Al-Anon Family Groups. I found their hotline number in the white pages of my then local telephone book and was told that my life depended on getting into the meeting rooms of Al-Anon. How true that angel was she might never know. I want to encourage you to look up the hotline number and come sit with us when and where we get together to help each other get well and love each other unconditionally. We also have a ton of Conference Approved Literature much of it written by the fellowship for the fellowship which we use daily. The One Day At A Time, Courage To Change, and Hope For Today daily readers support our efforts on a daily basis. Hope to hear you got to the meetings in your area...we also have Canuks or "adians" or plain old Canadians on this forum also. We also have Hawaiians too...that I can talk about. Aloha and Hele Mai.
Welcome! I first came into Al-anon in June and found this site soon afterwards... After my 3rd meeting, I asked someone what am I supposed to do to get help!? They handed me a book called "How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics". The first thing in the book is "A Special Word to Anyone Confronted with Violence". This is what is says:
Al-anon's gentle process unfolds gradually, over time. But those of us facing violent, potentially life-threatening situations may have to make immediate choices to ensure safety for ourselves and our children. This may mean arranging for a safe house with a neighbor or friend, calling for police protection, or leaving money and an extra set of car keys where they can be collected at any time in case of emergency.
It is not necessary to decide how to resolve the situatoin once and for all - only how to get out of harm's way until this process of awareness, acceptance, and action can free us to make choices for ourselves that we can live with.
Anyone who has been physically or sexually abused or even threatened may be terrified of taking action at all. It can require every ounce of courage and faith to act decisively. But no one has to accept violence. No matter what seems to trigger the attack, we all deserve to be safe.
"Reprinted by permission of Al-Anon Family Headquarters, Inc"
You are not alone. Find a face-to-face meeting and keep coming back here! You are in the right place. (((((HUGS)))))
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Mandy
Don't settle for less than your potenial. Remember, average is as close to the bottom as to the top. ~Unknown
No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back! ~Unknown
I am new here as well. I feel your pain so greatly. Last night I was trying to go to sleep at about 11pm. My AH was drinking and playing online poker. The more he drank, the louder he got. I was awoken to him yelling at some guys over football. I mean calling them horrible names and saying very inappropriate things. We live in an upstairs apartment and I am afraid the neighbors heard him yelling. I asked him to please quiet down at least 5 times. Each time he would apologize and say he would. The last time I asked it was 2:30am and I was told to go to bed, "RIGHT NOW!!!". So, I went to bed and covered my head with a pillow so I could drown out some of the banter.
I love my husband, he is a good man and I know he loves me, he just loves the buzz more. But, he is killing me. I am nervous all the time and I have started noticing that my hands tremor from nervousness. Today, I am shaking and cannot even keep down coffee. I keep telling myself it will get better when..... he goes back to work, or he makes friends in the new town we are in or when I go back to work. But truth is, I know it will not get better. Not unless he gets help, which he is not inclined to do. He is not physically abusive but the mental and verbal abuse is really killing me.
Everyone on here has recommended reading Getting them Sober. I guess I will, but really at this point I am more concerned with how to get out.
Thankx Everyone!! I think the only reson he says he wants to quit is because i want out and he knows that. I have really tryed to be around him when he drinks I do love him but i feel so drained and tooken advantage of. He doesnt want help he doesnt thiinnk he has a problem he tells me i stop him from seeing his friends but he had no friends juss drinking partners and when the beer was gone so were they i want him to love me and care for me like i do him he says he does but why does he hurt me why does he fight me why does he call me down why?? Im gonna keep looking for a way to heal myself and take care of myself Thankx for the encouragement everyone
