The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
normally i give my HP all of my worries and concerns and let him handle them. despite going to meetings i am spiralling downhill. AS is drinking himself to death. i detach the best i know how to and when i am talking to him try to remember to see the word "disease" written on his forehead. we have an extended family and are all very close. my parents just piss me off by enabling him. my father pays AS bills, watches grandson when AS is too hung over to watch him. they make every excuse in the book for AS. i am so damned angry! angry at this disease, angry that everyone is doing everything for him except wiping his butt. my family is keeping my son sick and i can't do anything about it. went for a long walk earlier. still feel like i want to scream. guess i will go for another walk to let off some more steam....
Glad that you came here and shared . This disease is relentless and I do understand your pain.
Feeling angry , sad, upset over what is going on is very normal and healthy It is what we do with these feelings that counts. I hear very healthy responses in your posting. Accepting what your family is doing, Going for a walk, Sharing here all work well and will enable you to keep your serenity, courage nd gain additional wisdom
Powerlessness didn't feel good, no doubt about that, we are powerless over our alcoholics, and powerless over their enablers. Powerless. Powerless. (((hugs)))
Making friends with powerlessness helps me because then I can invite a power GREATER to step in, just being open to it, praying while I go on those long walks, just praying and asking, "God, please help me to see this differently."
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Even my AH's dr tell me that "All he needs is for someone to take the beer out of his hand....and put a coffee cup in it".....I've been doing that for 10 years. What about my life? Enablers come in all kindsof packages. Hold on.
Oh boy do I know how you feel! It seemed to take forever for my SIL's family to stop enabling her drinking. Use to drive me insane how many excuses they could come up with!!! ((((hugs)))) Stay strong, you will make it through this. I gave my in-laws some literature about enabling and after they read it they did start to change how they saw things and what they did with SIL. I don't know if it will help in your situation, but it couldn't hurt. Sometimes I swear the denial of the people around the A can be almost as strong as that of the A...crazy!!
Oh my gosh alexmaui!! You can't be serious!!! Gee, why didn't you think of that huh?
I thnk its really easy to pass the responsibility of the disease over to others. I used to be very very very angry at the ex A's mother. Years have passed now and I see she really didn't know what to do. Of course she also took it out on me all the time that the ex A was in constant unremitting crisis.
Recently one of my neighbors relapsed after making a short try at sobriety. I managed to detach very quickly. Detachment is so hard when its such a big task. Its like lifting a 300 lb weight when you haven't any training. I have to always keep coming back to the notion of expecting an alcoholic to be an alcoholic. Any other expectation sends me into considerable resentment.
