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My boss can be... difficult. One minute he's Mr. Nice, the next minute he's ripping apart something I've done (sometimes publicly, sometimes privately) with nit-picky little criticisms and implications that I am incompetent/lazy for not doing thigs exactly as he wants them and then (I *REALLY* hate this part) demanding to know *why* I didn't do it "right" (and any answer I give just p*sses him off more and leads to more criticism for "making excuses" or not knowing how to do something or not working efficiently enough or...). If I try to deflect by just apologizing and saying I'll do better next time, he continues to demand to know why I didn't do it right this time... there's no way to get him to back off until he's satisfied I have been sufficiently ripped apart.
I decided I have had enough of that and am finding another job. I have two promising job interviews next week. BUT... my team is already down one person, and my boss is probably going to be mad when I tell him I'm going to leave the group even more short-handed. He tries to act like our group isn't just colleagues, we're friends, and that if we're going to do something like leave we should say so as far in advance as possible to minimize the impact on the group. And he's a pretty influential person in our field -- his grudges can carry some weight. I am wondering if it might be a good idea to try to mitigate some of the anger by telling him now and giving him more time to find my replacement instead of waiting until I have an offer and just giving two weeks' notice...
On the one hand, it seems like a bad idea, because there's no guarantee I'll get either of the positions I'm interviewing for, and because it gives him longer to be mad at me before I leave. On the other hand, leaving in the middle of a busy time when we're already one person down is the stuff that grudges are made of, and I want to do whatever I can to avoid that...
-- Edited by atheos on Sunday 5th of August 2012 08:25:35 AM
Sounds like you're trying to make positive changes in your life. There is really no excuse for his attitude. If there is a consistency of practice in your work and if you don't perhaps like your supervisor's behavior but respect his expertise, I would privately look at how I'm producing my work and check with others in my field and ask them how they approach and produce that same work. It would be somewhat of a barometer for whether any of his complaints are legitimate. What I'm saying here is just because he's coming across as a jerk doesn't mean that there may not be something wrong with your work. At least for me, this is how I look at my part in things. Of course this is always easier when a person is a respectful one toward me but either way being honest with myself benefits me down the road in future endeavors.
As far as how you leave this job... the two weeks notice is customary and there are dozens of positive ways to express your reason for leaving to prospective employers without bad mouthing your former boss. For example focusing on the future employer's work culture, mission, reputation and the opportunities to grow with them yada yada yada. No need to let this bad apple boss undo your confidence or give him power over your future prospects. Your hp is bigger than him so invite hp to come along to your interviews and ace them. :) Good luck!
Thanks for the great emotional, physical and spiritual self care reminders! TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 5th of August 2012 09:35:55 AM
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 5th of August 2012 09:38:13 AM
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 5th of August 2012 09:41:47 AM
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I believe that taking care of yourself is the most important issue here. You are a team player and your boss is abusive. Sacrificing yourself for the sake of the team is not required. Looking for another job is healthy and important for your self esteem and mental health.
I would not tell anyone about the interviews and when you are leaving I would give the necessary notice without fear of reprisals If your firm conducts "Exit Interview" you might consider mentioning the reason for you are leaving
Two weeks notice is standard business practice. Anyone else that has worked for him or knows him probably knows he's a tyrant. This was the case with my last job and my last boss. At the new job I went to, they didn't even want my boss's recommendation because enough folks there had had interaction with her (either former employees or met her through interviewing there) that they knew she was crazy.
If you stick to what is generally acceptable business practice - any blackballing or other junk that "might" happen is not due to you. You will have kept your side of the street clean and that is all that matters. Your HP will see to it that you will be okay. Like an alcoholic will drink or not drink - he will be crazy or not crazy. Just stay focused on you getting to a better spot. Atheos comes 1st!!!!
Over responsibility was always my way of life. I felt responsible for eveyrone but me. An interview is not a given but getting one is a big sign that you are certainly employable elsewhere. One golden rule is not to say anything bad about your curent employer but to present a prositive view of the situation you are in.
When I've interviewed recently I have been told by many many people that they don't give notice until they have the offer in hand. Then and only then do they let an employer know that they are going.
