The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I saw the writing on the wall today as clearly as if it were printed out for me. I posted on Thursday about detoxing with beer available as a back up to avoid beng thrown into seizures again. It has worked pretty well but I didn't close my eyes at all last night because he was sweating and twitching all night with muscle spasms. I woke him up to take his blood pressure and it was 159/110. I told him that I thought he needed to drink a beer at that point because he had already taken his ativan. He did and his bp went down to a normal range and he stopped jerking awake.
This morning when I tried to talk to him about it, he just said that it wasn't any big deal. He knows his body and he was just hot and having bad dreams. How do you deal with someone who is so far in denial that he has seemingly lost touch with reality?
It finally hit me - why do I care more than he does?
I am so tired of having my emotions manipulated by this thing that my husband has become. I don't know who he is anymore.
I have came back to my mom and dad's. I did this in February but went back after a month. Can't see that happening this time. I know I will have weak moments but I do not see things improving and I have to worry about my health because he sure isn't.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G Llewellyn
Sending love and support, so glad you are taking care of you. Hugs p ;)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Keep doing the best you can with what you have and make sure that includes face to face meetings and as much program as you can get into. In support (((((hugs)))))
My A son scared the heck out of himself when he went thru a case of DTs. It took him a good 2 wks to recover from it but I guess it was '''no big deal''' cause it didn't stop him from drinking again.....geeeze!!!
I'm sorry you're going through this right now. I did it too - same deal, same pills, same long hours. Then I reached the point of no longer caring what happened to him because I was just that depleted from going toe to toe with his disease. I realized I was no longer seeing him as my loving husband or even as a person. I was seeing him more as this force that was out to destroy me. Of course it was his illness his disease but my own sickness was that I went willingly to save him disregarding myself. When I turned him over to others who were professionals as well as A who understood more than I ever could, I chose to listen to them and I took my hands off once and for all.
I remember feeling I somehow had failed him by taking back my personal power to honor my own health and well-being. I held my own life so cheaply in those early days. Then someone in this wonderful program told me I deserved self love and I began working steps one and two. The only person I could keep from self destructing was me with the help of the god of my understanding so I surrendered, let go, moved out of the way to make room for God to do what only God can do.
It sounds like you are finding your way back to you. Take good care of yourself, you're all you've got. Hugs - TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
