JUST DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT - Al-Anon Family Group

WORNOUTMOM · Member

JUST DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Worn

I agree If this employee broke her trust and enabled your SIL she should be dismissed. I am glad the facility is investigating. As for people not thinking alcohol is dangerous I just look at my family All alcoholics in different stages -- They still think they are having fun My son died of ths disease at 41 my husband at 49 and a BIL at 70 but drinking is still a blast!

Thank God for alanon

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

No there are no excuses. I have also seen probation/parole, healthcare and AA sponsors enable addiction relapses. Appropriate measures for termination and staff addiction education will be the hopeful outcome of any situation like this to help prevent any further employee involvement. I understand the situation you spoke of, old friends being the caregivers and not seeming to understand the true seriousness of our loved ones health and addiction concerns. For a larger city, this place can be a small town and my exAH has old partying friends in every corner of it. And none of them want to believe his consequences had taken him so far down. And unfortunately in some cases the friends are learning the hard way just how strong my exAH's disease truly is, just as the employee who may have helped your SIL will. I hope the stress lightens for you, you'll be in my thoughts.

Jen

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't know what makes you believe an employee did this. However you sil drinking was not with someone putting a funnel in her mouth and pouring it in. I totally agree it would be wrong for anyone to knowingly assist someone to do things that would hurt anothers body.Giving them a ride, egging them on etc. Is it against the law? no as your sil has the right to make her own decisions.

I just don't know! Not everyone is real bright, hate to say that. This worker could be very simple and sil talked to her about going out. So they go out and the worker may not have any idea about what is good or bad for sil. Or maybe worker just expects sil to be able to make her own decisions.

There are so many reasons this could be. Somehow i doubt anyone did this on purpose. Except someone who does need to be let go!!

Maybe calm down some and let things come about as they will. Blame is not the important thing.

Most the time no one knows what any of us go thru! My first husbands friends blamed me for his death! He went to some big event, got drunk, and got out on the hway! I was not even there!

People can tell her to get her own place all they want, or tell her whatever. We have no control over that.But we can mellow out and not allow what others think bug us! Plus who told you this? The sil? addicts are notorious for lying,manipulating.

Glad you are here!!!! keep coming, please do something nice for you. Let the professionals handle it!!! She must be in the place for a reason, let them take care of it, you don't have to!

hugs,debilyn

prisca · Member

Wornoutmom-

you and your sil and your children have been on my mind and in my thoughts and prayers these last few days. Her story just blows me away. I think because my AH is on the very edge of losing everything- wife, three gorgeous children, his health- any family/home/future life as we have known it (and not caring- in his 15-20 oz of vodka a day, he is thinking life is working just fine for him) and it feels like he is just one big hop, a skip and a jump to where she's at, I'm a bit sensitive to these kind of stories....It is such a picture to me of how incredibly c.r.a.z.y this disease is, how low down it can go. I'm with you- while ultimately, only she can choose to pursue some semblance of wellness, it seems darn clear that she is way past that position..... and for anyone anywhere to assist her in any way with continuing to drink- well? It is beyond my comprehension. Then add into that that someone who works in any way, shape or form in the facility she's in.... well- that is just.... i am just shaking my head.

sorry.

prisca

WORNOUTMOM · Member

Debilyn, I am not blaming this staff person for the fact SIL drank, that was indeed SIL own choice and she did so knowing that even one drink at this point could literally kill her, NOW THAT IS INSANE!!
However, this in my opinion does not excuse the employee in this situation. The reason that I suspect an employee is involved is because the facility told me that is what they suspect and that they are making every effort to determine if that is true. I personally feel that if it is that said employee should face disciplinary action. I am a healthcare worker myself and have the utmost respect and consideration for those who work in this field. I do not however overlook behavior that I believe to unprofessional or unethical. If you choose to take an end stage alcoholic with end stage liver disease out without approval and bring them into a situation where you are drinking and you allow them access to alcohol I dont think it can really be considered unknowingly enabling. This employee has worked around and with SIL for over a year, was there when she came to the facility and has no ignorance of what she is. SIL is a master manipulator, expert liar, and can con the best of them, but this person knew all of that. I mean really would you put a plate of brownies in front of a diabetic patient and walk away? This is no different. You put booze in front of an alcoholic you are setting up disaster in the same way you would be for the diabetic. Yes both patients may know they should not have these things but you are not always dealing with sound minds and as a healthcare worker that is something that you are aware of. Allowing her access to booze with the condition of her liver is like going out and playing Russian roulette with her. I know the facility is taking this matter very seriously. They know that in another set of circumstances this could have led to liability and litigation for them that would not be good for the facility. Our family is beyond blaming so we have no desire to pursue such avenues, others may not feel the same way and I can understand the facilitys concern here. I dont excuse sil but I dont excuse this employee if this is actually what happened either and feel this is very wrong on her part. I am leaving it to the facility to determine and to deal with as they see fit. This employee had full knowledge and was not in the dark at all!
Prisca, I am very sorry that you are here and dealing with such issues. I know how hard it is. I am very glad that you have al-anon in your life and I really wish I had before when I was dealing with her descent. My heart goes out to you and I have you in my thoughts and prayers. (((hugs)))
Thank you all for your support and for letting me vent in this situation! It is so wonderful to have people wh. o really understand what this is like and who have been there. I am so happy to have let go of so much of the INSANITY this has brought to my life. Whether I like it or not, there are some things that I cannot avoid. I am SIL power of attorney so when problems arise like this, it is me that they call. I feel that while I have detached and this no longer hurts me the way it once did, it is still able to make my life crazy just to have to deal with this stuff. I am seriously considering removing myself from the role of power of attorney so that I dont have to deal with her issues anymore

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