I wonder if - Al-Anon Family Group

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

I wonder if

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

when he started coming around, I told him to please stay away if:

I would be a doctor now.

My life would have meaning, I would be needed.

I would not have to struggle for enough money for food.

I would have my own little house still.

I could have gone to volunteer in Africa doing surgeries?

Had money to give to others.

I would not cry as much.

Would I still be lonely?

Would I be without the disabled shoulders he gave me.

Would I not be afraid to ever love again.

I think today was the first time I wished he had never started coming around. I wish I had known about Al Anon before he did. Should be a requirement in school.

All I know is all I want to do is go home. Why I ever thought his love was real, is beyond me. Was so young, but I was on my way. Then the disease walked in, and my way went wrong.

I am glad I believe in a new earth, eternal life. If I thought this was all there was, how empty.

The only good thing is MIP was put in my path, it changed my life. I am a better person for all I learned here, all the neat people i have met.

love,debilyn

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

You made me cry because we have a long history here. Remember how often we'd type "I relate" in our early years in the chat whenever someone would share. To our sad surprise we weren't so unique, we shared the same heartaches. We've had a lot of laughs too at your pigs expense > (oo) snouters - small ones, (00) snouters - big ones. biggrin

I think you're right about this site. It is a good thing and it's changed my life too when the one I loved abandoned me and I believed I was unlovable. When we thought we had the worst luck, hp lead us here and our luck changed for the better. Thanks for still being here (((debilyn))))

Ya know I'm sorry you didn't get those dreams and a sorry I didn't get them too but I'm glad we've gotten the chance to grow up with one another here, snouters. Luv ya - T

-- Edited by tiredtonite on Saturday 4th of August 2012 10:31:20 AM

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Deb

I hear you and have had the same thoughts You are In my prayers.

I now believe that life is hard and that HP uses all our hurts and disappointments in order for us to grow into the Spiritual Beings we were meant to be. . My life is nothing like I planed it so very long ago however I too am grateful that it now includes reliance on a Higher Power.

Thank God for Alanon and MIP

.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Jen, yes I know what you mean. MIP taught me valuable lessons. I can control how i react, i have a right to say treat me with respect or do not be around me, that others problems are their own. I do not have to do a thing, I can just support and love them. I can only control me. Addicts are very sick people, it is not curable, it is ever so much more than what they use. addiction does not discriminate. We can choose to walk away. Hp is always there, give it all to him, just ask him to please take this pain. forgive always, we all mess up, admit it when I do. so many lessons. I especially don't get excited about much.

Thank you Betty. we are blessed by this site. Yes I agree, we can choose to learn from what we go thru. And we know you have gone through the ultimate pain. Here you are still giving. thank you for that.

TT yes we had so much fun. YOu all saved me and yes I so related to you. I only have one oinker now,Dickens. I was just outside spraying him with the hose! He loved it. He has a nice cabana full of clean hay and blankets!I take him his food full of yummy stuff. He had cheese in it today!...spoiled thing.

DAS and I are still close friends and I have been blessed to watch his boys grow up and his cute wife has at least two years in recovery!!!!! Its so neat, so neat. He just got a new little spaniel to take hunting with him.

I often wonder what happened to the rest of our goofy group. Louise is still here with her great wisdom that only old ladies have. I continue to tease her...

Today I was out in the green of the mountains washing my deck off. Then my giant dog Yeti was barking at people swimming in the river. I picked a bunch of wild huckleberries!!! Its very hot.

thank you for your thoughts. I really need them! love,debilyn smoinks!!!!

Rocky38 · Senior Member

Hi Debilyn,

Thanks for sharing your wondering.

I sometimes wonder too, but when I do, the thought "You're exactly where you are supposed to be because HP is in charge" enters my mind.

It took me a long time to accept that.

Really? I'm supposed to feel immeasurable pain, witness the death of a good man to legalized poison and see my son turn himself inside out trying to cope? REALLY?

But now I can look back and see that these painful experiences made me a different person, have introduced me to things I never would have experienced (HP, alanon, serenity), created a sensitivity and wisdom in my soni admire and relieved my AH from further suffering. Incredible. How did I get here?

Love to you Debilyn, Rocky.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.