The material presented
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Today I spoke to my AH (we're separated) who is almost 1 year sober. To make a long story short, last year at this time we had just separated, he was drinking himself into insanity an on the verge of losing his job due to it. Anyway he's been in the program all year and trying to get his life back. One of the unenviable things he's doing is trying to find another job. This after he had a good one which his alcoholism destroyed. I know it won't be easy and he will likely face a lot of disappointment - (which he formerly would blot out with booze )- until he lands a new one and only hope he can tap into his "toolbox" (as he calls it) to get him through this.
He did say to me something that stuck - he said "One thing sobriety has taught me is that G-d won't throw me under a bus if I don't do it to myself." It was nice to hear this, particularly after a hard week, (one in which my family has basically cut me off for not divorcing him yet). I'm not hanging my hat on his every word but I do think it shows awareness that I hadn't seen before. I hope I can continue on my path - my own recovery has had a lot of bumps in the road and I don't feel I've been sailing too smoothly. At least I know his job search isn't my issue anymore and I am staying out of it. I can only hope I get to a point where I am comfortable with my decisions (or lack thereof) and can just let things be. It's a hard road. While I pray for his continued progress, the actions of last year ruined my relationship with my own family, who has always been a strong support system for me. Dealing with that fallout will be hard and I suspect I will need to vent on these boards a lot!
((((nyc))))...thanks for that share...you're doing good and it sounds like he is also....both working a program of recovery and people dropping off who are not. I've got that experience also including family and friends and then from another perspective I gained an entirely new family of thousands who are super supportive and encircle the planet. My family of origin have their choices to make...bless them and they have made choices...bless them it comes with the recovery. I gained a new father who told me he happens to be the father of everyone else also so that makes us brother and sister and you alcoholic is brother also. A whole new perspective. Both programs work if you work them so keep on keeping on. I also had the privilege of being able to speak to my alcoholic/addict after she got out of rehap and into the program and was sober for a time. Such a pleasant experience...absolutely painless and fearless. HP does do unconditional love. Keep coming back and thanks. ((((hugs))))
That saying reminds me more of one that I commonly hear which is "God did not carry me this far to drop me on my ass." Sounds crass, but that is the statement I hear in the rooms and it's a powerful one. I'm sorry your family isn't more supportive. I know you've probably considered that their behavior is not all about your decisions regarding your AH - they were predisposed to be controlling of you in order to be acting this way in the first place. I guess I'm only saying that in hopes that you not feel so much like they cut you off all because of you.
Family or Origin can be hard, they will come around at some point. I really have come to believe that God is good ALL of the time. It's a hard concept to get when after so long of dropping myself on my butt and learning to trust something bigger than myself really trust for the first time. That is such cool awareness to come to though and I"m glad he's seeing the action in place.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
