The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's been so nice being out here and so very relaxing for the most part. There has been drama at home as I've mentioned before however really nothing I can do about it right now. It's been handled as much as it can be and I'm really trying not to focus on it. It's easier said than done right now. We head home on Monday. It's going to be hard to leave. The kids have had such a great time. I'm so grateful for this trip and I will be pulling a lot of graditude lists from just this past 2 1/2 weeks. My heart has ached and sored as I've watched my kids discover things they only thought existed in the movies or tv.
The best part about this trip although I have had a couple of moments, is being able to just be present. I have slept more in the past 2 weeks than I have in the past 2 years. It has really been a blessing in regards to that as well as just being tired which I think is just I'm so always on defense at home that I can't really let down. There is always something I swear. I'm learning and I will continue to learn how not to be defensive.
I've met such wonderful people here in the program and been blessed to have my alanon family travel with me. It's so neat to know where ever I go I will have family is huge. It makes life a lot less scary. Plus I hope that I have met some life long friends.
The kids will get to stay at their school which is very very important to me at this point and time. They need some kind of consistancy. There has been enough change and I am only willing to go so far in terms of what they have to deal with .. I truly hope in the next year that we will be moving to a larger town that will give us all more opportunities. While I don't know how it's all going to pan out in the end I know we are all going to be ok. I really do not expect much help from the stbax, I just figure I will continue to pray and give it all over to God (hp). It used to really make me mad when someone would say oh I need a new car I'm going to pray about it .. I don't think I fully got what that meant at the time ... I'm understanding better now. I know that I'm not going to wake up and find a new car in my driveway, however God does have a way of opening opportunities when I am open to Hp's guidence. I recognize that I have to put in the footwork, however knowing that God has my back makes a big difference. I just need to have my heart and my mind open to knowing when those moments appear.
None of this has been easy for anyone is putting it mildly. So going home, getting a job, getting myself enrolled into school, getting things organized so I can move if not this year the next is high priority. Just for today I don't have to worry about Monday, and I can go and have a wonderful time with my family of origin. That's a big blessing and one I wouldn't have been open to without Alanon.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Sounds as tho You are Growing at a High Rate of Speed & you are that of an Inspiration for sure... I too have been struggling in life Issues and Just trying to remember that God is Only Pressent when I am Open to Listening... Its Tough and Like you stated, when I'm at home i don't get the "Me" time or Less Drama that I do when I'm somewhere else, but I know I Can't Run away from Home just yet ;)
This Journey we are all on is something that amazes me when I come here and see all the Growth from You & all the others, and it seems no matter how long I'm here there is Always Room for Improvement... and Seeing even the Old timers Speak of their Growth, is such a Blessing...
I too am One that when i Travel, even if I don't post, You ALL travel with me, if not via internet, via my Heart... Thanks for Being here & Please... Take Care of YOU! You are Worth it, and Your Kids Deserve the Best of You... Seems they you all are on your Way :)
I totally know how you feel! School starts soon here and it's a slap in the face for me as a homeschool mom because I've got to get lesson plans made, schedules put together, etc. OH, and I have to figure out how to live with insanity. It will all work out, God does have a plan for you even if it's not clear and spelled out for you right now.
It sounds like you have amazing awareness and are doing a great job - for yourself and your kids. Sometimes being away in a new place can help provide all kinds of new perspectives. Wishing you a safe trip home!
