My wife's parents are visiting us for the weekend. The last time we saw them was this past Easter, and that was also, as far as I know, the last time that my wife wasn't sober. She had helped herself to some of her mom's pain pills and wound up abusing those for a few days. It was a bad situation but she has come out of it wonderfully and I'm very proud of her.

Anyway, as this visit approached, I thought about contacting my mother in law and warning her about the pills--maybe tell her to make sure she had them hidden in a safe place so my wife couldn't find them. But I didn't. The controlling side of me was raging a bit inside but I keep that quiet as best as I could.

This morning as I left for work, I noticed my mother in law's purse by the door. Peeking out of the top was a large pill bottle (my mother in law is likely an addict as well but that's a story for another time). This of course instantly stirred up my inner control freak. I thought to myself--if I can see it, surely my addicted wife will see it...I thought I must do something, but what?

I thought about the words I've heard in many meetings and read here on this board. Yes, I could do something, but if my wife wanted to get high, she would find a way. There are 3 liquor stores within 5 miles of our house and they would be happy to give her what she wanted. So "doing something" about my mother in law's pills may buy me a few minutes of peace, but it doesn't solve anything really, other than feeding my controlling side.

Then another thought occured to me--maybe she'll use, maybe she won't--but what will you do? I've heard so many variations of that in the nearly 18 months I've been in Al Anon. I remember a member sharing a story from when they first started going to meetings...he was talking to a more experienced Al Anon member and venting about all of the horrible things his alcoholic wife had done. The man simply replied--yes, but you'll be ok. Everything he said, no matter how horrible, that was the reply--yes, but you'll be ok...

I'm beginning to learn that I really do find peace when I just focus on me. It's still a long road and there are still many old tapes playing in my head, but I'm so grateful for this lesson and those that have helped teach me.