The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So much has happened since my last post, but I'll just stick to what's recent. I got offered a job yesterday at a local CVS store! I start Monday if my background check comes in at the end of this week. I was a mix of emotions yesterday; nervous, happy, excited, more nervous! Haha I told my husband and he said he was happy for me, but I could tell he was masking something. He finally told me that he was upset that he has been looking for a job for a year and can't find one, and as soon as I put in an app. I get a job. I tried to be as supportive as I could, and let him know that he will get a job, he just needs to be patient. Everything was well until around 5:00 yesterday evening. We got into an argument over something so silly, and it just escalated so quickly. I was doing my fair share of arguing and it didn't help at all, but at that point I was on auto-pilot. Long story short, I am staying with my parents for a few days. He told me we both need to reflect on the marriage. He's right; we do. I'm hurt, missing him, mad at him, mad at myself for caring about it, mad at myself for missing him... just so much. I know that I will be ok no matter what happens, but it doesn't make this easier. I'm fighting the voice in my head that's telling me to call him and try to talk things out. I know that this time apart is what we need. Well, what I need anyway. I know now, more than ever, that I am addicted to my AH. I'm just broken and hurting right now, and needed to vent. Hopefully things will get better!
-- Edited by lnc12 on Wednesday 1st of August 2012 09:52:37 AM
Feelings aren't facts and they will pass. I know I had to detox from my stbax and let him deal with his own stuff while I processed through mine. I hope you are getting to meetings and getting support. It's soooo important to go through all of this stuff and deal with our automatic responses. Being able to be in a volital situation and know I still have choices and I'm still responsible for my reactions helps me focus on the actions that I need to take. More than not, .. it's the decision to wait and think (thoughtful, honest, intelligent, kind and necessary) about what my response is going to be.
I'm so sorry that you are having a hard time right now .. it really gets better. I'm glad you came here instead of calling him because this is where my best thinking gets done.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
¨I know that this time apart is what we need. Well, what I need anyway. ¨ I recently house-sat for some friends. It wasn't full time, I would spend a few days there then a few days at home, back to their house for a day or two, etc. It was so good for me to be able to get away from the scene at home living with an active A. I don't think my time away made any difference to him, but it did wonders for me. Enjoy the time away at your parent's house. It may be easier to think about your situation when you're not smack dab in the middle of it. Oh yes, congratulations on the new job!
I can remember having a lot of tension all the time with the ex A. He was very envious and resentful when I made progress in my life. He would do a lot to sabatage it for me.
For me when working I need a routine, uneventful life. I hope you can create that for yourself.
I'm just broken and hurting right now, and needed to vent. Hopefully things will get better!