"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Christian Alternative

HallOfFreedom · Newbie

Near as I can tell, my mom has been an alcoholic for a large part of my life, only recently called out on it. My dad wants us all to go to Al-Anon meetings, but I'm not really comfortable with it. I don't feel comfortable plugging in to the same meeting that my dad and three siblings do, and I'm not really comfortable with the intentional lack of religious discussion that is foundational to the Al-Anon organization. I would really like to find an intentionally Christian alternative. Can anyone suggest some resources?

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I am a Christian and my group uses the term God and or HP depending on who there higher power is and no one is affended. There are some people who don't believe in God and feel the opposite, but I think it can work for all if opinions on religion can stay out of it and the Spirtuality of it can work for all. I would want my own home meeting without any relatives too. It is a great program and has helped me immensly and opened me up to see it's okay if others have an HP and not believe in my God my way, because that works for them. I hope you are able to try some meetings. Sending you love and support!

HallOfFreedom · Newbie

I wasn't expecting a response so quickly! I apprecitate your input. For me, I feel like I really need that strong support from a Christian perspective

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I go to a Christian ladies bible study and have Christian friends and a Pastor to talk with, but they haven't lived or grew up with alcohiolism the way I did and don't get me the way al-anoner's do. It is up to you how you get through it, but Al-anon has made such a huge difference in my life that I would hope you are willing to try several meetings before discounting it. I have met many great Christian's in the program, but would have missed a few who are not that have helped me through some dark times and things to get to the other side of it, I have come to love them all. Sending you love and support on your journey!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Hall...welcome to the board and stick around!! The first most important direction I got from within the rooms of Al-Anon was "If you keep and open mind you will find help". I needed HELP!! and was ready to do whatever was required then to get it. I was born and raised in a fundamental christian alcoholic family. One of the identifiers of both sides of the family was christianity and we had teachers, priests, nuns, bible scholars, alter boys, music and gospel ministers and everything else in the line and of course there was alcoholism so the talk was one thing and the walk was a stumble alot of times. My first marriage was to a religious fanatic...an addiction more stunning and devious than the alcoholism and drug addiction of my second marriage. I understand religious sects I was the theologist in the family. My religion of birth didn't understand addiction or what to do about it and wanted me to keep trying the same thing over and over again while expecting different results which drove me right to the door of insanity. As a patient and practisioner in the mental health field I knew I was certifiably mentally disabled by the time I reached the doors of the Al-Anon Family Groups for the final time. That first by honest intention was held at the "College Church of Christ" facility in CenVal CA and my first reaction was "Oh no not another religious..."Christian" group"!! I was too sick to turn away so I went in, sat down, and just listened. I felt a bit relieved when they promised "We are not a religious group" and then I got just a bit suspicious when they followed that with "but if you work these step religiously your life will change."
I work the steps religiously in my life and I have a life today that is blessed beyond expectations and words. I have had the perception that because of the program of The Al-Anon Family Groups I have been blessed with heaven on earth. I have had to do the work required and more that was suggested and more that I thought I had to do. One of those mores was going to college to find out as much or more as I could to understand this disease which destroyed the mind, body, spirit and emotions of my family and the people I associated with. One of the things I found out was that alcohol and alcoholism predates the life of the Christ by thousands of years and so we were up against the disease of all diseases and I should not allow any thing to come between me and the understanding of recovery...mind, body, spirit and emotions all at the same time. God will not do it alone without my assent and cooperation. In fact...for me...I have to be the first one at the door of my recovery and not wait for my God to tell me when to start.

I have been to thousands of meetings even those who complained about the presence of or the absence of God...or the mention of or non-mention of Jesus Christ. I've been to meetings where the cry was for the gender to Jesus to change from male to female. I have been to meetings chaired by a Buddist who will not do the lead in to the Serenity Prayer and I've been to one meeting where the closer of the meeting reached into my soul and turned on a beautiful light. That man was John (biblical) and he was a Blackfoot Indian who hesitated in saying the "Lords Prayer" but when asked to do it as he had learned it in his culture said a prayer that made me feel that I stood in the presence of the creator. I am sure John had no intention or belief that that would happen to another man holding his hand at the closing of an Al-Anon Family Groups meeting and it did and we were both there for the very same reason and I was practicing "If you keep and open mind you will find help". There are alot more of my experiences which had brought me and my relationship to the God of my understanding to the present moment. However this isn't all about me...many others will bring their experiences in front of you and if you keep and open mind you may loose the personal requirement that uses the narrower door. You have no choice about how God arrives and attends you...for me that is God's choice alone. God is...period. God's messenger as many...legend I have come to understand as a life long member of the Al-Anon Family Groups and for that I am forever grateful.

Keep coming back...this works when you work it. In support (((((hugs))))) smile

Amandakay · Veteran Member

For me, at first, I had a hard time being open to trying Al-anon because I was very leery of being part something and committing to it when others in the group do not believe in Jesus. (What a hypocrite I am! I go to work and others believe differently, I go grocery shopping at the same store as others who believe differently, just to name a few examples) I've been a Christian for over 12 years now and still did not have people I could talk to, who could encourage me in regards to my problems growing up with an alcoholic father and even being involved with men with addiction problems. Unless one has been personally affected by alcoholism they don't know how to encourage someone, they can't give them hope to overcome this powerful disease! My pastor has been my pastor for 10 years and knows me personally. He knows my problems and my quirks and my codependent behaviors and enabling problems. Our church runs a faith-based recovery program. They are based on a 7-step program but they are basically the same as the 12 steps. My alcoholic husband admitted himself into the long-term treatment center that my pastor oversees. I talked to my pastor about my problems trying to cope with this... I told him that I just don't know what to do. He TOLD me to go to Al-anon. He said I need help from people who have been were I am. And I prayed to my Higher Power and through prayer confirmed I need to be here. Through prayer God told me that I am here for me, to help me heal from my hurt and wounds and pain from the disease of alcohol. To learn tools to cope with life. He told me that when I start focusing on what others believe to be their HP, I have taken the focus off of myself and I am no longer healing and the program is not being useful. Al-anon is a program that, when being worked, causes one to focus inwardly. If we focus on who/what others believe their HP is, then we are no longer focusing inwardly. Al-anon is not a place to witness about our God to others. Al-anon is for everyone! Alcoholism doesn't care who it destroys, the alcoholic, the alcoholics family, children, parents, Christian's, Buddhist's, Atheists, white, black, Asian, Russian, southern, northerner, young, old, bisexual, heterosexual, homosexual and the list goes on and on and on... If you really want to begin your healing process, I would highly suggest starting with Al-anon. It is for Christians too! If anything, Al-anon has made me focus more on my own walk with God. I have started reading my devotions more regularly. I am finding peace and healing. I see growth in my prayer life. I have not found anything that contradicts what I believe. And the one time I thought I did, I was looking for something and God told me that I was grasping for straws. I was taking my focus off of my recovery to find something, ANYTHING wrong with the program so I didn't have to work on myself because it HURTS! It is so easy to focus on other people and try to fix what I think is wrong but when I look in the mirror I see a broken, broken person that needs to be fixed and it hurts to fix those broken areas of my life. I have problems and Al-anon is helping me! Give it shot. I encourage you to go to at least 6 different face to face meetings before you make up your mind.

And like Jerry said, "Keep an Open Mind" "It works when you work it". ((((Hugs))))

Path to Serenity · Senior Member

Start with Al-anon and let God guide you from there

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi and welcome. I am a Jehovah's Witness and have been here at mip many years. My life is totally Bible based. In Al Anon you will find many Christian principles. One day at a time, let go and let God, Don't be anxious, those are all from the Bible.

Many of the concepts here were originally from a Christian Religion. In the beginning that is what it was. But over time, Al Anon wanted all to be welcomed and comfortable here. We are all different religions here hon. We respect that in each other. Some have no higher power belief at all. But we support everyone.

This place is safe, we don't use profanity, we attack the issue not the person. We do our best to share our experiences,not tell anyone else what to do. We share what worked for us.

You would have to check with your own church about counseling on this issue. I know for me, I can go to the Elders who will guide me. Also for me, I know if I follow my religious beliefs, that in itself will help me.

There is no reason you cannot get support here and with your own religious support.

If you have a specific religious question feel welcome to pm me or anyone. You can even ask is anyone oh Buddhist here or whatever. I know for me, I really stick to my Bible beliefs. Nothing in Al Anon has ever gone against them!

hugs again and welcome, debiliyn

Jackie11 · ~*Service Worker*~

It is difficult when communicating by a flat screen to convey exact emotion. We all have found hope through this amazing program. Pushka mentioned Celebrating Recovery, which may have a website. I said you never know what you are going to find because all meetings are different.

I know of no other programs that offer what Al-Anon offers. In my weekly meeting one of our members, who has been a member for almost 40 years, says that she never found in a church circle meeting what she found when she came to Al-Anon. Her husband is a retired minister.

To directly answer your question I do not know of a program like what you are asking about. I did a google search and found this board. Perhaps your church may offer a program that would be helpful? Perhaps your pastor may know of a program?

Best wishes in your search for your own recovery!!

-- Edited by Jackie11 on Wednesday 1st of August 2012 01:16:23 PM

Amandakay · Veteran Member

Aloha Jerry smile Your joke reminds me of another funny one. Here goes:

A man was thrown overboard in the middle of the sea. He prays to God to save him. Shortly afterward a piece of drift wood floats by, but the man doesn't grab on to it, because he knew his prayers to God would be answered. A little later a boat comes by, but the man refuses rescue because he knows that God will save him. Still, a short time later a helicopter spots the man, but he refuses rescue repeating that God would save him. Of course in time the man grows too tired to tread water any longer, sinks and drowns. When he gets to heaven, he yells at God, "I prayed to you and you left me to drown." God angrily replied, "I sent you a piece of driftwood, a boat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?

P.S. I don't think there is anything else that can even compare to what Al-anon can do and has proven to do. There are Christian books on subject, Celebrate Recovery was mentioned early, but besides that, I don't personally know of anything else and in my search for recovery, Al-anon has proven itself to be a reliable source for the help I need. Be careful not to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Good Luck in your search! ((((HUGS))))

-- Edited by Amandakay on Wednesday 1st of August 2012 02:00:48 PM

-- Edited by Amandakay on Wednesday 1st of August 2012 02:03:53 PM

Jackie11 · ~*Service Worker*~

You have received so much wisdom. I appreciate this board for that very reason!

The first time I told my AH I was going to an Al-Anon meeting he said well I deserve a drink followed by that's not a Christian program and all you are going to find is a bunch of sob stories.

The meeting I attend I know we all have our own understanding of our HP(Higher Power). Before each meeting begins my prayer is that whatever I share will help and encourage someone else for the evening. I find so much experience, strength, hope, and encouragement.

My encouragement to you is to try 6 meetings. See where you feel most comfortable. I only attend 1 meeting a week, and I participate on this board (when work is not too crazy). The meeting I attend is right where I'm supposed to be.

I realized that this program which has given me the tools to love my AH, and helped him to realize that God really does love him, is something I do not want to keep from others who are hurting because of this horrible disease.

So much of what Amandakay shared I echo. She said it better then I could have.

This disease has affected my life, long before my now husband. I have learned and grown and my personal faith relationship has grown into something more real and powerful then I ever would have believed possible.

You never know until you try what might be waiting for you in the rooms of Al-Anon

HallOfFreedom · Newbie

I"m not just looking for a Christian club to belong to, I'm looking for a Christian-based family of alcoholics support group. I don't want to be in a support group where people are nervous to talk about their faith or pray, or where we all share what our individual higher power has said. I want to be part of a group that draws strength first and foremost from their Christian faith, not as an optional secondary source

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

There is something called Celebrate Life, or I thought that it was called that in our area. It's a Christian based AA program of recovery. I don't know if they have something along that lines for Alanon or not. If you go to google I'm sure you can find something in your area that is more secular faith based.

Good luck, hugs P :)

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

You have received a dozen great responses, and yet you are still looking elsewhere..... seems a tad odd to me, that you would come to an Al-Anon based board, already full of judgement about what Al-Anon is (or isn't), and kind of rebuke all the heartfelt and honest responses you have received. I wish you well in your search - perhaps that search might be better suited to begin from your Church, rather than here??

Tom

HallOfFreedom · Newbie

I'm not rebuking, I'm being specific about what I'm asking for. I'm also not judging. I've read the content of Al-Anon's site, listened to the testimonies, and have read what others have to say. I've also looked at what my local Al-Anon meeting offers, and what the schedule is. As I said, I don't want to go to the same group as my dad, brothers, and sister, and I don't want to stifle the religous aspects of what I'm going through.

Since the focus of Al-Anon is helping people find the healing they need, I assumed there wouldn't be any sort of sense of competition with other support group programs. I hoped that someone here might be aware of one that fits what I'm looking for. I've tried looking online, but I'm not having any luck. This isn't the only forum I've put feelers out on.

I'm sorry if I've somehow offended anyone by asking for help in finding the kind of program that I feel can help me deal with the things I've had to bottle up my whole life

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Please believe me when I say that there is NO competition in place.... Your recovery from this is the #1 priority, and if you seriously don't think you can find it in Al-Anon, you should continue to look elsewhere. The reason many of us are so pro-Al-Anon is that it really IS completely non-denominational.... It can help people of all religious affiliations, right through to athiests/agnostics....

I'm sure there are Christian-based groups, that you are speaking of - I'm simply suggesting that you might search via your church, and their assorted contacts.... There certainly aren't any world-wide groups of that sort, or we would all know of them

Tom

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha again Hall and I am grateful you came here because your post and the responses are captivating and have caused me to reflect on my entire journey up to this day...the before of my life, my life after finding the doors of Al-Anon and my present day. I'm captivated by your use of "optional secondary source" I know those are your words and not God's because when I learned to "keep an open mind" I found out alot things I didn't know before and didn't know that I didn't know before. I came into the rooms "convinced" that I knew what I knew and had the solutions and then I knew I was insane. I learned after accepting the direction "keep and open mind" that I could recognize that I was wrong (I learned to even say that out loud) often and led me to listen more often because I needed solutions to sanity and serenity. I learned that my HP, God as I had come then to understand Him doesn't hesitate to use whatever is available to get my attention and to cause me to heal; mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually...I learned that from accepting that "I could be wrong". God uses all others regardless of appearance or behavior because I find God in an open mind and not a closed one. I learned freedom from fear partly from a man who was going to prison and who threatened my life in an Al-Anon meeting...he was afraid and I wasn't...I had come to understand.

My elder sponsor gave me a gem of direction while I was growing up in his mentoring and I pass it on, "Don't let anything stand in the way between your peace of mind and serenity...your recovery". He had more time and more work and more experience and relationship with his HP than I did and I wanted what he had as opposed to what I had because he had come farther than I had...much. His God had brought him farther and he was inviting me to continue on in my journey. Should I refuse that invitation that came with visual proof would have highlighted my closemindedness. I remember a humorous story he and I talked about regarding my oppositional defiance personality and my self centeredness (not a moral condition...a personality condition). The story was about a man who had fallen off of a boat in cold rough waters and the captain turned around to rescue him and ordered a life preserver to be thrown to him. Before the deckhand threw the white life preserver the floundering man called out, "Do you have something in a blue"?. I appreciate those humorous stories because they help me re-ask the question, "Could I be wrong"? and to continue openminded investigation which is God's will for me, I believe...today. You will attain the consequences of your choices and not all of those will be what you were needing or even wanting they will be the result of what others told you that you should have. Turn your post over to your Higher Power and wait with an open mind and then follow thru.

I love what your post has brought out of myself and others. Thanks. ((((hugs)))) smile

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I love this topic it too has me looking at my faith and relationship with God. I am better and closer to God now through Al-anon than I ever was before. We only relay it, because we have lived it and found nothing better than Al-anon to reach the depths of our anguish brought about by alcoholism. I pray whatever you find and program you work you find peace, love and serenity!

prisca · Member

Hall of Freedom,

I've gone through this same struggle, sent you a PM.

1911A1 · Senior Member

Pushka was close, it's called Celebrate Recovery. It's a Christ-centered 12-step program that began in Rick Warren's ("The Purpose Driven Life") church. Might be a good fit for you.

Whatever the case, I hope you find a place where you can feel safe and supported. That's what Al-Anon's all about, after all.

Blessings on ya.

callmemara · Veteran Member

I am Christian, I have gone to Celebrate Recovery with my husband because he refused to go to AA but would go to CR.
CR is for anyone with "hurts, habits and hang ups."
I personally didn't get what I WANTED /needed from it because it wasn't geared toward support to family of alcoholics.
I no longer go to CR, I went back to Al-anon. I find what I need at alanon. I don't really like saying "god as we understand him" but I get over it and get what I need. I still go to church/bible studies to get what I need there.

CR is geared toward helping you heal from your hurts habits or hang-ups so maybe it would be good for you to try that, but like I said,
Celebrate Recovery is NOT a support group for families/friends of alcoholics or other addictions.

Personally, I have found my recovery to be in al-anon. But I do think CR is a good program.

I'd encourage you to at least try a few different al-anon meetings and go to at least 6 total before you write off al-anon. (unless the only meeting in your town is the same one your siblings and dad go to)

All I can be · Senior Member

Here is my quick rating post:

Alanon. Excellent

Church groups. Excellent and good in conjunction with Alanon

AA. If necessary because you do not have other groups in your neighborhood or to learn how the other side thinks

Purpose Driven Life study group. A great suplement to anything

Celebrate Recovery. Covers a lot of recovery through prayer. Might be good with Alanon

The Love Dare study group. Excellent for relationship work.

Divorce care groups. Very helpful when needed

Theology courses covering forgiveness. Available in limited places. Excellent.

I have tried it all and I am at alanon and at several church groups today

One thing I have to remember is we are all Gods children and I have to respect that others are different than me.

All I can be · Senior Member

PS.

I forgot to mention the Calix Society. "A.A. restores your health and keeps you from an early grave. Calix saves your soul and puts you on the road to heaven"

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"