The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Learning to let go is tough. Learning what and how to let go is tough. I've been working on it for a couple of weeks. The first weekend I actually noticed there were no freak outs in the house over the weekend.
So today, I'm just really uneasy and just can't focus. I haven't really spoken to my son since Thursday night. My son is my A. I haven't been ignoring him I went away for the weekend and he has been holed up in his room since I got home Sunday night. I asked my husband (who was home this weekend) if he was home when I got home and he had no idea, so apparently he was in his room most of the day Sunday also.
In one respect I know where he is and that he is safe, on the other side, he is doing nothing......just existing. I don't know if he is drinking in there, I would suspect he is or is on something, as he usually is. I just don't know what to do or think.
Should I be luring him out? Should I just leave him alone? It appears he has lost his latest job as he hasn't gone to work in a week. It just frustrating and unsettling. I feel like I should be doing something.
My experience has been with the A in my life is to let it be. HP will let me know what the next move is however I need to step back and allow things to play out before setting in any meddling. When I meddle I'm doing my will not HP's.
Hugs, I know it is sooo hard to just sit and wait however sometimes HP's doing so much work behind the scenes we have no idea what that plan is. Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
From the ODAT book: " I will remind myself every day, and in all times of tension, to let go and relax. I will realize that, even to do nothing about my problems, I am actively practicing the Al-Anon idea.
"Slow motion gets you there faster."(Hoagy Carmichael)
In order to deal with the ex A I had to come to a point where I was willing to "not know". In so many ways, like you, of course I did know that he was "using", not doing what he was supposed to be and probably self destructing. The issue for me was I couldn't make him stop.
I worried incessantly about the ex A. I felt certain his very survival rested entirely on me. The disease of alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful. I could be convinced if only I would, could or should have done something.
The best thing I ever did was to come to al anon and be wiling to hear another way, to look at suggestions and to be willing to try them. My way got me to a lot of pain and discomfort.
I learned that not deciding was a decision and that letting go and letting God was doing the best I could with what I had. I also learned to allow the alcoholic/addict the dignity of making their own choices and earning the consequences. You're doing good while he's doing ????? His HP is in the room with him too. (((hugs)))
I can totally relate to how you feel about your son being in his room all the time. My son is 13 and barely comes out at all. He is not an A, but still.. ugh! What do we do? I dont have any answers...
Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone =)
We want to do so much for others - that is our disease. All my efforts ever bought were more misery and feelings of pain, frustration, resentment and anger and those just damaged me. It may have taken me a while but I now walk another path, when I hand things over my life becomes serene -doesn't mean I dont 'feel' for my ex A but he must tread his own path and that is not my business.
If I feel myself worrying or obsessing I get to a meeting, Big Hugs
