The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am getting ready to start the 12 steps and I have some questions for the people who have done the 12 steps.
How long did it take you to do all of them? Was there any certain step that was a major turning point for you and why?
I would love to hear any experiences you had with the steps since that is what I am on the road to do soon.
I am in high hopes that by doing the steps I can make a huge transformation in my life and get rid of all of my defects of character....especially the
martyr, jealous one, reacter, blamer and controller (just to name a few)..................oh, and I have super low self esteem.......will the steps help with that?
Thanks in advance everyone - I am so miserable that I am derperate for serenity like I see the old timers in the program - I SO want what they have -
they are so grounded and stable.me.....I am all over the place and so not confident in myself - its embarrassing:(
-- Edited by willowtree on Sunday 29th of July 2012 08:34:58 PM
I have to say the step that was the hardest for me was Step 1. "We admitted that we are powerless over alcohol. Sounds simple but in reality, difficult to accept, in every way I wanted to control his drinking. I thought my love for him would do it, or if he loved me he would do it for me.
I actually thought I had the power to make him stop. If I could be a better wife, Im sure he would stop then. Maybe , If I didnt work so much. Maybe if I lost weight.
I had to keep going over this step until I finally got it. Until I understood it with my life. That first step is the foundation of changes and new beginnings in my life. You can apply it any situation , where you recognize. I really dont have the power to change this. I have to turn this over to my higher power. Really takes a load off.
Good for you that you recognize that your life has become unmanageable . Recognition, a step toward your recovery. Realization , another step toward your serenity.
Dont give up, keep coming back. All my best to you. Bettina
(((Willow)))...Good to see your desperate enthusiasm...I used that at one time also and the fellowship used it to support me hugely. Very first experience I had with the steps which took the breath of further resistance away from me were the words "Admitted we were powerless..." I could have never imagined that thought or awareness without sitting in the meeting and hearing others voice it. Once I got it out I relaxed the fight...for awhile that is.
I live the steps...I do them daily...they are my thoughts, feelings, beliefs and behaviors; consider the consequences if I didn't.
Another major turning point was becoming aware that they knew I was crazy cause the last word of the second step is "sanity". They said I could be restored to it and I alone believed I was certifiably insane when I made it thru the doors...so they knew and I didn't. I stayed to listen.
The 4th step tripped me up because of the pronoun "ourselves" that meant that I had to retarget my blame aim. It had always be fixed on my alcoholic/addict wife and others and I knew that "ourselves" meant the fickle finger of fate was gonna have to point at me and I was incensed at the thought that I had anything to do with this Al-Anon new experience. I didn't like being asked "So what was your part in it"? I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know...dumb as a stick.
One of my daily 12 step experiences is in the 11th step..."Sought thru prayer and meditation...." because before the program that was my problem...I had no other higher power than myself and didn't know that the disease of alcoholism would find me as a meek self sacrafice. You don't take a sling shot to a gun fight with a smile on your face...it ain't good enough and nobody loves a martyr.
There is much much more as I've been in recovery since 2/8/79. Stick around, keep coming back and I promise the 12step experience will get better and better and better with practice...one day at a time that is.
I spent a year on steps 1 through 3. Then I did the rest in about a 6 month period. I started noticing my emotional functioning and serenity improving after step 9 - It is often stated that "The promises" come true after that 9th step. While there are actually promises for each step - I think that this is believed due to most folks having felt this way after the 9th step. When the promises are read at AA meetings (not sure about Alanon), it is the 9th step promises. The first 3 steps are foundation steps, 4 through 9 are action steps, 10 through 12 are maintenance.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, 1. We will be amazed before we are half way through. 2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. 3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. 4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. 5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. 6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. 7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. 8. Self-seeking will slip away. 9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. 10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. 11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. 12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves (spiritual awakening).
I would suggest getting a sponsor. Doing the steps on your own is indeed a possibility. Everyone indeed has a different take on them. Nevertheless doing them around someone else is a suggestion in the program and one you can consider.
