The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have told him to leave again and again. He has no interest in the ownership of the home, and he has no lease, nor does he pay rent, so as I understand FLorida law, he has no legal residency in my house. I have insisted he leave my house so that I can get on with my life. He goes, packs nothing, then returns drunk, nasty, mean, and disrespectful. today I told him I was going out for an hour or so and expected him to be gone when I return. Well, I have returned...to find him lying in a lounge chair by the pool, totally nude! At first I thought I would say nothing to him, as his problems are not mine. But on second thought, I do not want to be humiliated by his actions as I will continue to live here, and I wish to maintain my friendly relationships with the neighbors. So I went outside, flopped a towel over him and said something like, "For heaven's sake, cover yourself." He did not reply. I am afraid it will come to having to call the police to get him out of my house. We have been together 13 years, married 6 of those years. Divorced in 2006 because I did not want to be responsible should he do damage to anyone or anyone'sproperty while driving drunk. That was a good decision.
I am not asking for advice here. I simply wanted to tell the story of the latest Dr.Jekyll/Mr. Hyde fiasco. It was all so good for the first three years our our marriage. I did not know until then that he is a binge drinker. I had no idea there was an alcohol problem at all. Maybe one of these days he will drink himself to death. Frankly I don't care anymore.
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I feel your pain. I was very lucky that my A actually left. I struggled for a long time about what I should do to get him out. I even thought of moving myself. But, it didn't have to come to that. I did call the police one night and all that happened was they asked him to leave for the night. But, after that night, he decided to make plans to really leave. One of my friends said, "At least he knows you are serious when you called the police." I do think that action sent him a message that I wasn't kidding or threatening, that I truly wanted him out. Hang in there.
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Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
They keep testing and testing and pushing and pushing, don't they? It really just confirms how crazy they are, doesn't it? When asked to leave, sane people leave.
I am soooo grateful that I didn't live with mine, I'm sure I would have faced the same stonewalling. He did have a key to my house and refused to give it back when we broke up (we were remaining "friends" at that point). I finally managed to convince him that he should return my key, probably only because he thought we had a chance of reconciling and wanted to stay on my good side.
Crazy? Recently, in the midst of telling me via email that what we had together was so good and we could work out the minor problems and how much he missed me, this guy admitted that he created a dating profile to find "intimate encounters" while we were still together. And that's supposed to entice me into running back??
Me, I'd wait for a time when he was going to be out for a while and get someone in to change the locks. Have all his stuff boxed up ready to go.
But no matter what, he won't take you down. You're a strong woman and you have Al-Anon to help keep you sane.
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
Crazy is a polite word for the devastating madness that is this disease of alcoholism. I know it made me crazy too, if it was not for Al-Anon I am quite sure I would have been in an institution myself. It took Police to remove my A, he assaulted one of the Officers and as a result was charged, at the time I was horrified but looking back can see that was my HP in action. I was able to gain a restraining order and he now lives separately and is free to pursue his destructive illness or seek recovery without my interference, I can pray for him but more importantly can ensure my own recovery.
I just wanted to let you know I relate to the idea that there maybe some hope in them one day drinking themselves to death. Then mine did.
I'm grateful I had the program with me to help me deal with my grief and guilt for thinking what I thought. I can look back now and see how very desperate I was to have peace and serenity and how out of options I felt I was. My thinking it did not create it. But I sure did beat myself for it.
I realize now that I was still looking outside myself for solutions, when my serenity was within my own grasp if I let my HP lead me there.
and how much he missed me, this guy admitted that he created a dating profile to find "intimate encounters" while we were still together. And that's supposed to entice me into running back??