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Wow....I am feeling so much gratitude today. My son has worked very hard on his recovery this past year. He doesn't think of it as hard work because he loves AA meetings and working with a sponser on the 12 steps. If he goes 2 days without a meeting he can feel some feelings that only contact with someone in AA or a meeting can put him back in balance. They really are his new family.
Where does Alanon fit into his recovery? Let's just say that the last time he got a dui (his 3rd) I literally left town so that I would not help him out of his mess. That had to be HP's hand at work because I have never been able to that in the past. It was definately hard so I went to Delaware where we have a beach home and literally laid in bed the whole time I was there, crying. Before I left my son said "I can't believe you are going to the beach when I am going through this" He was taken to the hospital after his accident from drinking and driving and was suppose to turn himself in to the police the next day. We thought that is when he would actually be arrested and put in jail. I was refusing to take him and if he got put in jail I was not going to get him out. That is why I left town...I couldn't trust myself to be able to leave him there. I really did not care if someone else took him but it just couldn't be me.
I have started to attend Alanon meetings again. I really need to connect with other people that are going through the same things that I am going through. I don't want to be caught off guard if he were to relapse. I want to put his recovery in HP's hands and take care of my recovery. He is definately not the only A in my life. I have sisters that are dealing with addictions with their children and they have no clue. They are such enablers that I really cannot discuss their children with them. I am learning to keep my mouth closed and mind my own business. They really don't agree with the things that I talk to them about (Alanon) so I am trying to detach. It is hard when it is your sisters. I just want to take them by the arms and say "NO" don't do it that way" but I am learning and trying to lead by example.
I just wanted to share with my friends in Alanon. He will have his anniversary meeting at his home group on Tuesday. I have been to some meetings with him before but never actually heard him tell his story. I am sure I will be sharing so please keep me in your prayers that I can find the words to express my gratitude and that I can get the words out without crying .
So powerful a share ((((Gailey)))) sharing the experience with you has brought tears to my eyes and when I read this post I hear the "Serenity Prayer" over and thru it. This is how I learned to walk the talk...leave the room, leave town, leave the alcoholic/addict to Akua...God...Higher Power!! You got out of the way and I can only see that as a demonstration of Gailey's faith. Mahalo for this share...its what I needed and now I can go back to sleep at 3:30 am PST. This reminds me of a recovery story from an Al-Anon at a speaker meeting you said, "I've never ever heard an alcoholic say, "I owe it all to my mother"". Gratefully
Such an awesome and powerful post, and I would encourage everyone on here - who is struggling with their A and/or their circumstances and/or the whole "what can Al-Anon do for me" question - to read this one, over and over.... Gailey, your story is heartwarming and exciting - one year of sobriety is a wonderful accomplishment, and to know that you have had a huge part in this, at least partially by NOT having a huge part in this - is a wonderful tribute to the power of OUR recovery. Your post is a reflection of why I think the GTS books are so awesome, as in a nutshell, they tell us "if you REALLY love your A, then get yourself better".
You have done that, and this has helped allow your son to find his path as well....
Really happy for you both
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thank you for posting this most AWESOME share. I needed it today.
I am so happy for you and your son!
As Tom suggested I will definately keep this and read and re-read when I need a boost. My son is still a very active A and it just breaks my heart. This gives me hope that things can change.
Thank you for sharing - it reminds me that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
When dealing with that deep pain that comes with being the parent of an A child, I look back at my upbringing where my Grandmother was a co-conspirator in my A fathers disease. She bailed him out of jail more times that I care to remember, supported him financially, raised his children for him, etc, etc. He died from alcoholic poisoning.
When I practice tough-love with my A son, I remind myself of the scenerio: if I were to catch my young child with a book of matches, would it be wise to give him a can of gas to go along with the matches?? Of course the logical answer is NO - but by bailing the A out of jail, paying their fines, supporting them when they lay up on drunken binges is really no different - those actions will only fuel the flames of the disease - allowing it to thrive and consume everything in it's path.
I ask my HP so often to help me stay OFF the path that my Grandmother walked and guide me along a path that will be beneficial and spiritually uplifting to myself and my child.
