The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
How do you condense a life time of alcoholic family members? My adopted Dad, and Mom and AH, and son in law too... The main reason I have come here is I work shift work, and 10 to 12 hour shifts, I have not gotten to where I can go to a f2f meeting so, I am absorbing all I can right now.
I am not a spring chicken. AH is 65 and I am 61. We have been married 41 years, and he was a drinker when we first got married, and after a terrible accident 5 years into our marriage, he quit.... no AA, no therapy, But God! He remained sober until about 1999 when his health was failing and his job was lost (before he started), and was told by the VA nurtritionist that he should go on the Mediterrian diet for his high colosteral... That diet includes red wine.. I came unglued at her... she knew he was an alcoholic! But she said it was on beer and not wine and he could probably handle one glass of wine a night. Well he is now drinking 1.5 liters a night.
I love the man, hate what the disease has done to him and my other love ones. Have ventured a look at the steps board and in here as well. I am just TIRED. Tired of working long hours, coming home and working some more and trying to be supportive of my AH... although where to draw the line etc... So much to learn. Open to any and all pointers. Bless you all for being here and listening.
This disease is so hard to live with and although my partner is not around a moment he is out there very active all my family members are effected by this disease my parents kids. extended family are also alcohlics or codependent.
But there is hope this programme is helping me to look at what I can and can not change. I am learning how to live around sick people however how to take care of me and I am actually really starting to enjoy life again. One of my character traits is over responsibility which leads to lack of self care/ however this is slowly turning into a new direction today i am not the first person to say YES I WILL do that. Sorry to hear your husbands illness is progressing but if you keep coming here , purchase some al anon literature and hopefull find a meeting that fits in with your busy live you will get better. I go to meetings at the weekend because i work all week (just what works for me).
Aloha Nickie...you're in the right place...just relax for a while and let us hold you until you get some strength back. Sounds like you're in the nursing industry? If you are in that "helping" industry you already know a lot about "enabling and co-dependency" and might already understand the nutritionists stab at the insane solution. I am also a (somewhat) by product of the VA medical system and was fortunate (very) to have a counselor that would have never ever mentioned a solution with alcohol attached to it. Thank you God for him.
We have on line meetings...check it out from the face page...you gotta do a bit of hoop (Java) jumping to get there and its very worth it.
Keep coming back...cause this works, when you work it. ((((hugs))))
Jerry I work in a hospital but not the nursing end ... so yes I know all the ins and outs of what this disease does. I also have known for a long time that I need to do something about healing ME. And am trying to stop enabling and figure out codependency too. It is hard to admit my part in this disease... but it is there.
I am working at trying to get my computer to allow me to get into Chat, Windows is being stubbron about it right now... not recoginizing MIP at all.. but plan to try and come to meetings and to just get in chat now and then. Since with shift work, you never have a set day off sometimes it is hard to commit to something f2f... but am looking. I am not giving up on that end either.
Will be soaking up as much as I can here in the mean time!
i don't know if you know much about alcoholism but alcoholic have an uncanny knack of finding people who will tell them they can drink. I know people who really believe they are sober when they are using left right and center and have no program to speak of. These days I am not angry at them, not yelling to the skies and not trying to convince them otherwise I've already spent decades doing that. The disease is cunning baffling and powerful. The cunning baffling and powerful part is what it does to those around them as much as what it does to the alcoholic.
I think most of my life I have been in tremendous denial around alcoholism and the power it has over people. My younger sister, entire extended family and most of the neighborhood I grew up in were consumed by alcohol. For my father most of his friends died from alcoholism when they were in their sixties. He lived until he was 80 but he never had a moments peace because he lived, slept and breathed denial. Detaching from all that takes time, energy and a willingness that requires a great deal of tenacity. I had to be willing to feel lots of grief, anger and mixed feelings and there were days when I felt I would never wade throuigh it all.
These days when I am around alcoholics and I am around them as they live around me I no longer am laid foul by the disease but it does affect me in different ways. I can see it so clearly now in ways I never could before. I can make choices around it now in ways I coud not before. In so many ways I had no choice around alcoholism as much as the alcoholic didn't have one either. When an alcoholic/addict in my life made huge issues I rushed in to cover it up. I felt bonded to it in ways of shame, anger and fear. Now I don't. Of course I don't confront an alcoholic either I don't need to but I don't rush in to cover it up anymore.
My younger sister started drinking at 16 she was in DT's when she ever stopped drinking within a year or two. My whole family lived in secrecy around it. She's still kicking in so many ways but alcohol is an intrinsic part of her life and I am in a place now where I don't take that so very personally.
I am glad you are here. I have definitely been in the mode of working all the time and exhausted. I can relate. I think its wonderful, whatever age you are, that you are reaching out for help, support and understanding.
