The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Before I got married and had kids, I kind of expected that those things would change my life. I would have to make compromises, sacrifices even, and that it would be a lot of work. But that it would all be worth it. The joy of having a husband and children would balance out the work involved.
Well, it is pretty much turning out that way, in fact, it's even more work than I expected! But, I'm willing to work hard to make a life we can all enjoy and benefit from. They joy of having my children is an infinitely bigger payoff than I could have imagined. Day by day, we are all learning to make compromises and sacrifices--kids included. In a big family, everyone needs to compromise sometime. However, when things don't go the way RAH would like, my gosh, the complaining, the blaming, the name calling, the tantrums!!! Gosh it's annoying!
I wish so much I had a partner who was willing to work toward the same kind of life I am striving for. But I accept, that is not what I have. The blinders are off, reality has set in! (and it only took 15 years! ha, ha) Today, I'm not taking it personally, not letting it ruin my day, and not expecting him to be any different than he is. But man, it's still annoying!!!
Thanks for letting me get that out...hoping everyone has a great day today!
LOL...almost like having another...large kid!! I was taught that the alcoholic stops growing when the drinking starts and then found out that was true. The body gets bigger but the mind and the emotions remain the size of a dwarf!! Recovery can help reverse that however as we say inprogram..."No guarantees". Hope you're a practicing member of the World-wide Fellowship of the Al-Anon Family Groups. In this family I've learn soooo very many alternative ways of choosing to live and then enjoying the benefits whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. If you're not a member you can get the hotline number to the program in your area from the white pages of your local telephone book under Al-Anon. Come sit with us and learn what we've learned. (((((hugs)))))
I think it was so hard for me to deal with that I did not have a partner. I put so much into a relationship. I put my heart and soul into it.
I really had no idea how to look for red flags, hold back. leave some for myself. The alcoholic consumed me in every respect. Every other minute I was asked to jump and how high was never enough.
I had real dreams about what a relationship should be and no idea how to implement them.
Glad you are here. Al anon can and does help. Now I see red flags with considerable clarity.
