The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so sorry to hear about your husband's drinking. I have an AW (alcoholic wife), so I know the worries of them possibly embarrassing you. The first thing I had to learn after years of enabling is that you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. You know, it is a sad world when it comes to drinking. Alcohol is glorified in TV and movies, commercials with people drinking like crazy... but when a person has a problem with it, we feel like society looks down on them and by association on us. The truth is, you have no more to be ashamed of than the fact that he has cancer. It is a disease, that needs treatment like any other. I am very happy to hear that you are going to a meeting tonight. Hopefully they will get you on the road to recovery, not for him... but for yourself. I would give it a little time before ending it, if you can. Hopefully, if he sees you getting help, it will inspire him to do the same. If not, then at least you will be stronger and better able to decide how to handle this situation in the future. My prayers will be with you.
-- Edited by Eddie1248 on Monday 23rd of July 2012 09:57:05 PM
I met my husband 5 years ago we have been married for about 3. He was always a social drinker but after a bout with cancer he has started to drink about a 6 pack every day at least. I am a therapist and know about alcoholism but it is hard to deal with it in my own life. I am going to a meeting tonight. I know I need support. We are in financial trouble because my husband's work has been affected by his drinking he hardly makes a living anymore. I have two jobs to cope with paying the bills and I am tired. We share an office which is my second job and we are moving closer to my work. It is a small community and I am so afraid he will walk around and emberrash me to my coworkers. He has a 17 year old and I am the only one parenting right now. I am just always angry and find myself trying to control his drinking but I am getting tired of this. I am not sure I am ready to divorce him yet, he is getting treatment for cancer and he is on my plan, but I don't know how to cope with his alcoholism. I need some help.
Thanks Eddie, you are right of course still feel terrible. I know he has a disease and I have one also co-dependency. I hope meetings start to help me. I do have a strong spiritual side so maybe that will help.
I can definitely relate to your co-dependence. I have been married for 11 years and I am just now (I mean in the last 2 weeks) beginning to understand why I became co-dependent on her alcoholism. Your spiritual side will definitely help. Remember the part of the serenity prayer that says...
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
As you begin to parse the things you cannot change (his choice to drink), from the things you can change (how you react each time he drinks... stay with family, go out with friends, etc...), everything will begin to seem more hopeful and you can find ways keep his alcoholism from affecting you in such a negative manner. At least that is one of the things that has worked for me with my AW. Good luck and please stay here on the board. It has been a wonderful first step for me.
I am glad you found us! Have you read "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews, great book. Coming here and f2f meetings have helped me so much! Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Thanks so much everybody. Eddie I am glad that you are sharing your experience with me. I need to print the serenity prayer and put it somewhere that I will see it. Breaking Free I will buy the book getting them sober I do need new literature.
You're welcome. That's what everybody is here for, to share and to care. I want to second what BreakingFree said. Getting Them Sober is fantastic. I bought it two weeks ago (on the advice of Tom here at MIP) at a local Christian Book store and it has been a life changer.
