The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Beautiful post, good for you, watching your own behavior instead of his is a MIRACLE - a shift in our thinking occurs when we ask Higher power to align our thinking with His. I was taught, all I gotta do is provide the WILLINGNESS and HP supplies the power, to just ASK in that moment, instead of practicing what I've always done....
Praise to Higher power for what He can accomplish through you and your willingness, I just LOVE seeing how it works!!! This is a practical program with a practical goal, the attainment of inner peace and you reminded me of that today (((big hugs)))
-- Edited by glad lee on Thursday 19th of July 2012 09:48:39 AM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
So, I was never the sneaky check up on my man kind of person. It just never occured to me that people would lie to me, cheat me out of my peace and self worth, or steal my serenity. I was very naive and I still am, to some degree, LOL. Anyway, along with all the normal codependent crazy stuff I did like looking for empties, finding the hidden alcohol, etc I also would check the phone records and AH's email just out of curiosity. I never found anything, of course, except that he was looking at porn. That's been an issue on and off through our marriage anyway and the drinking and DUI stuff took precendence in my mind so the porn was no big deal.
Anyway, I have been spending so much time with my Higher Power and it was becoming a habit to look at the phone and email accounts daily, just because it was something to do. I really had no justified reason to do it. So, I asked my HP to help me STOP doing this, it was stupid and a waste of my time. I am proud to say that I haven't looked at those things since last Friday and after a few days I didn't even think about it. Crazy how we get into our bad habits and we fall into that addict trap ourselves. So, even though I'm ashamed of some of my behaviors as an insecure codependent, I know that I can use my Higher Power to help me control my own actions especially since I can't control anybody but myself!
So, I was never the sneaky check up on my man kind of person. It just never occured to me that people would lie to me, cheat me out of my peace and self worth, or steal my serenity. I was very naive and I still am, to some degree, LOL. Anyway, along with all the normal codependent crazy stuff I did like looking for empties, finding the hidden alcohol, etc I also would check the phone records and AH's email just out of curiosity. I never found anything, of course, except that he was looking at porn. That's been an issue on and off through our marriage anyway and the drinking and DUI stuff took precendence in my mind so the porn was no big deal.
I guess I'm ashamed as well to admit the same behaviors. I go through times where I get an overwhelming urge to look through everything. I don't like the way I feel when I do it and I have no idea what I would do if I found something serious. I can't seem to put it out of my head though. It's like I become obsessed with "finding out the truth"... when I know I won't like what I find and that I can't do anything about it.
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~Kat
Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
Thanks for sharing! I don't want to admit it but I too shamefully go through my husbands things and phone log... He has been in rehab since Mother's Day and I still go through his things about once a week or so... for what, I don't know ... I really need to ask my HP for help with this too. This is an unhealthy habit that doesn't bring any kind of peace or joy or health to the situation... what am I looking for anyway - he's not even home anymore... he's away at rehab!
Good job looking to your HP for help! Way to go! ((((HUGS!!))))
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Mandy
Don't settle for less than your potenial. Remember, average is as close to the bottom as to the top. ~Unknown
No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back! ~Unknown
Yeah, for me, that whole thing of 'checking up on them', whether that was looking for bottles, or phone records, or whatever - was a complete waste of my time energy, for the following reason:
I believed that my AW was doing those things - so whether or not I found the "proof", I still believed it, so it was an exercise in insanity.....
Thanks for sharing
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Real good point.why waste energy? If imbworried enough to check....im worried enough.will knowing for sure change it. I just wasted an hour....checking...damn.
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
I do this tooo...but I see it may be awastevof energy. If im worried enough nb to check, I guess im worried enough...will knowing for sure really change anything. Damn...i justvwasted an hour checking...n
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
Good for you when I stopped doing this it was a big relief. Of course the ex A was alternatively incredibly secretive then demanding help at every stage. I have to say that really dropped me to my knees on so many occasions.
I found everything that I dreaded, evidence he put his friends and family first. Evidence he had maligned me to death and more. It hurt me deeply.
... I really need to ask my HP for help with this too. This is an unhealthy habit that doesn't bring any kind of peace or joy or health to the situation... what am I looking for anyway - he's not even home anymore... he's away at rehab! 
((((HUGS!!))))